Day 338 - What the...

So today KFC was back in group  She is quite a character and I was never really sure why she was in the group anyway.  Maybe she a fat groupie.  But she is always good for a laugh or two.   This time she was talking about being on vacation - family reunion and how she just could not not eat all the good food.  It was pretty funny, but then Miss I love myself chimed in.

Miss I love myself is the one who lost the most weight the first week (even more the B) and told us how hard it was going to be losing weight because she was so beautiful.  She was worried about being too good looking, and she didn't want to be known for that.  Most people in the group are good looking, as I feel most people are.  It is just how you present yourself, and your attitude can get you further then anything else.  And I don't have a problem with someone telling me they are good looking (TH tells me he is good looking all the time) but I do have a problem with people telling me that they are using their fat to hide how good looking they are.

You hear it all the time, you are using the fat as a wall.  You are trying to keep people away from you, you are hiding from the world.  I do not believe that is the case for most (of course their are those who actually do it, but that is rare I think.)  It does happen that when you get fat you tend to hide yourself away, but you don't generally get fat to hide yourself away.  Come on think about it.  Is it easier to be fat in this world?  Does it make relationships easier?   Does it make anything easier?

Anyway back to my point - she actually scolded KFC telling her she was "bad" the food wasn't good.  She needed to realize that what she was doing was bad and unhealthy.  Blah blah blah - this from a girl who ate 30 almond roca?  Then when it was her time she said that she had fried chicken, but that was all good because she was merely fulfilling a craving, and she still felt good about herself and she was maintaining her weight.

I can't tell whether she is maintaining or not, but how does the saying go about casting the stone? 

Day 337 - Foggy pea soup

It is another one of those foggy pea soup days where I can't see out my window three feet.  It is also weigh in.

I will be happy if I can break even this week.  I never thought that I would but to say the least it was a diffucult week.  I also have four days worth of food in my fridge.  I wonder if there will ever be a day that I wish that I hadn't wasted so much food.  I am sure some day in the future there will be people talking about how wasteful we were.  I think I will be lucky if it doesn't happen in my life time.

I still find it hard to believe that it is going to be a year in less then a month.  Amazing.

So from now until November I can stick strictly to my diet, here is hoping that I can make my goal in a month.

Day 336 - Pizza

So I had my first "real" lapse/cheat.  Horrible.  I was not out of control, I knew what I was doing and I went ahead and did it anyway.  I am lucky that I didn't gain weight from it, but my guilt factor is off the charts.

We all want to be able to control.  Show a little self discipline stop when we need to stop, but  sometimes it just doesn't happen.  Why.  Well I guess if I could answer that question I would be that much ahead in the game.  Indeed why?

Did I really want to over indulge - no, but it did taste really good, I wanted to continue to savior that taste.  I think maybe if I ate it a little slower, as we learned in class, mindful eating, I wouldn't have had that other piece.

We weren't even going to eat there.  I was expecting to go home and eat at home.  So - hmm- that might have been it.  I am not ready to do the unexpected.  Every other time I have gone out I have planned the outing, and I had been aware that I was not going to be eating my regularly scheduled food.  This time was the first time that I went out completely unplanned and obviously unprepared.

I don't think it will happen again, at least not for a while, so it was a blip.  Now I know that I need to always plan my outings.  Like today - we are going out - I know exactly what I am having and how many calories they are - it is already planned.  But that is easy right now - I am still full from yesterday.  

Day 335 - Yikes

So since May I have been "social" and I am finding it go slowing as far as the weight loss.  Especially this last couple of months.  Yesterday was particularly hard, and I thought I had done really bad, but when I put the calories in it was under 1400.  Since we went out to dinner, I really don't know what the true calorie count is, but I try and make it higher rather then lower, so ...

I am learning how to eat out.   But I still have so much to lose that I really shouldn't be eating out as much as I have.  My bad habits are just around the corner, waiting like a hungry lion to pounce as soon as let down my guard.  And there are times when I just want to let go, give in to the food, for whatever reason.  To be social, because it taste good, because it is there.

I have nine pounds to my next goal, and I wanted to hit the goal by my birthday, but at this rate, I am not sure it is going to happen.  If I do a thousand calories in exercise starting Tuesday and I only eat the 1200 calories according to my calculation I will just make it.  But do you know how much exercise a thousand calories is?  Pooh.

Day 334 - Oldest Nephew

I am picking up my oldest nephew today in about an hour.  I haven't seen him since his senior year in high school, so that is going on six years.  Amazing.  It is a good thing he is staying at Big D's house because ours looks like a tornado has hit it.

I don't have everything filed yet (after 14 years in practice) so when I need to find a paper I have to take the whole office apart to find it.  B has promised me that she would help me organize the office and I am going to keep her at her word.

We are going to go to a really nice restaurant tonight, so I hope I will have some calories left for dinner.  And I will need to start exercising soon.

Day 333 - Work Work Work

I am so behind in all my work, that I feel like I am never going to catch up.  I just hope and pray nobody calls me asking for anything because I am not sure I can get it done.  So I had 6 financials statements that I had to get out (print, assembly, write cover letter, send) and one that wanted it yesterday.  So I spent the whole day printing and assembling financial statements (literally the whole day.)

At 4pm I took a tiny tiny break for a tiny tiny walk, and then it was back to the grind.  miserable.

Day 332 - Procedure

Nothing really happened of import today except of course I don't have colon cancer.  Yea for me.  However, when I was being prepped the nurse asked my weight and when I told her she did a double take, then said you certainly don't look like you weigh the much.  It made me feel good, except the part you don't look like you weigh that much.

They gave me this gown that would wrap around me twice, and when she came and saw it on me she said oh they only have two sizes - one for people under...and one for people over...so it is probably really big, but the other one might be too small, and you don't want too small.

No worries, I don't have to do that again for another 10 years.

I went home and slept the day away.