Day 293 - Playing the waiting game

We have all done it, the famous phrase I will do it tomorrow, or I will start on the 1st, 5, or whatever is your favorite day of the week is.  Must do it on at the start of the week/month.  I have written about tomorrowitis many times, and I did fall victim to it while Little T was here.

But now that she is gone I haven't done as much as I would have liked.  I slept pretty much all of Friday (after of course the enormous walk I did) and Saturday, I just couldn't get my head in the game.  I am leaving Wednesday so I am not sure when I am going to get everything done.  But it is the exercise I was planning on doing that I haven't done.

The program now wants us to do an hour a day.  I was happy to be doing a half hour to hour 4 or 5 times a week.  I am not sure I can do an hour a day.  I think my body would need some rest.  But I guess if it is walking an hour a day that isn't to bad.  I don't know.  September I will start working towards an hour a day.  Don't have time now.

Day 292 - Wow time flies

292 days ago I embarked on this journey, 30 years ago even at this weight I would have been done.  That just goes to show how my metabolism has failed me.  In group the facilitator told us that they find that the younger people who lose weight in the program don't continue to come to the group because they don't need it as much as the older people. I look back at my weight loss that I did through Nutrisystem I did quit going and I did keep it off, but as you can see it came back with a vengeance when it came back.  

But I think I was different in some aspects.  I knew my danger point, had told T if I got over a certain weight I would be in trouble, but I ignored those words and gained the weight.  I was thrown in a situation where I didn't know how to eat.  I ate one meal a day and that was all I needed at that time.  I came into a house that ate three meals a day and there was food in the house - as much as I wanted.  I had never lived in a house that was delicious.  I actually remember the day that I lost total control of my eating.  We had breakfast (TH full breakfast style) then we had lunch and I was still full from the breakfast, but I ate the lunch, then he ordered the most delicious steak sandwiches I had ever had.  I was in heaven and in pain.  I was like I can't eat another bite but I did and I finished the whole thing, and I thought when I was done that was stupid I didn't need the lunch and breakfast if I was having this...

And so the years rolled by, and I became more and more of a hedonistic.  Aren't we all hedonist at the core?  But now I am finding pleasure in other things, hopefully that will replace the pleasure I got out of food.  

Day 291 - Bye Bye

Sadness, no more young person.  No more playmate for big dog.  No more drama.  Too much sadness.

Day 290 - Delusions

So we went to Billy Elliott and I told Little T we would get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner beforehand.  So I had bought a new dress had my feet and nails done and put on some make up.  I looked in the mirror and thought I look really good,   I had my hair up and I haven't had my hair up in years because basically I thought I looked like crap with my hair up, but for the first time I didn't feel that way.  However LT thought I would look better with my hair straightened and down.

When she was done she started jumping up and down screaming I looked beautiful and I should *ALWAYS* do my hair that way.  She pushed me in front of the mirror and stared back horrified.  I have not cut my hair for about 3 or 4 years saying I wasn't going to cut my hair until I lost the weight so what lay in front of me was stringy uneven hair with my gray standing out like a sore thumb.  See I got all the curls out she happily told me.  But I like my curls I whined silently to myself because my hair doesn't look as damaged that way.


So, yes, my hair is uneven, and I have lost a lot of hair in the last year.  It has come off like a dogs in spring, and I have been worrying that I may get a bald spot, but I knew I would get it fixed when I did lose the weight.  I am beginning to think I can't wait til I lose all the weight, I may have to get it cut sooner.  But I do have to tell you that I am not letting Little T anywhere near me with a straighten iron again.

Day 289 - Two pounds from 5th goal

So I have ten goals with the 10th being the final goal, and I am two pounds away from the fifth goal.  I had hoped to have hit this before leaving for Bellingham, and there is a possibility that I might, but then again there is a possibility I won't.  Only time will tell - well one week.

Each weight is significant either it is a set point or it is a historical weight loss starting point.  This next weight goal as I said before was the weight when I went to Jenny Craig weighed myself and cried like a baby.  I remember the first week on the diet from JC I lost 9 pounds and I was ecstatic.  I don't think I will lose 9 pounds the first week after I hit this goal weight, but then I didn't lose 9 pounds any week in this program.  Just goes to show how my metabolism has changed.

I don't know what my set points are after this, because it has been too long since I have weighed this amount (the fifth goal is my 1993 weight) so maybe my body doesn't have any set points now?  Can one possible pass all set points and not have anymore plateaus until I reach goal weight.  I am going to have to search those long gone years and figure out where those set points maybe.

Day 288 - Who didn't exercise last week?

I didn't.  And boy did I feel it on Tuesday.  It is amazing how fast you can lose it.  I found the hills so hard that I felt like I was starting all over.  I wheezed and panted all the way up only to see another just around the bend.  And J the whole time talking and laughing like she was on  a flat.    How oh how am I going to hike up Montara Mountain?  That is almost a 1600 climb, and the most I have done so far is 700 - Yikes.  And after yesterday I am seriously considering changing my plans at the Olympic Peninsula.

Furthermore, when I was in GV I found that I was not strong enough to swim against the high current.  I remember my nephew coming and doing it for an hour and I was thinking wow, but I couldn't even do it for five seconds.  Even Little T did it longer then me.  So I haven't been doing weights, but I think it is time.

In fact I probably should be doing that then writing this blog.

Day 287 - Tuesday

Group, walk and talk.  I have had a hard week and again it looks like I won't lose weight, but I am hoping that I will break even.

It has been hard trying to make sure that someone else is eating and worrying about their eating as well as my own.  I am not good at feeding people since I don't cook.  And even if I did, I am not sure I would be cooking the right things for an eleven year old.

But I have eaten out more then I have in the last year, and each time I go out it is a little harder.  The first time I was super careful followed all the rules, but now I look and read and hopefully make the correct decision, but I am not as careful as I used to be.  When I taste the food, if it taste too rich I stop eating it, but if taste okay I may finish it.  Point in fact I got a beef salad, and the first bite was like heaven, so I started to worry that it was too caloric so I ate about a fourth of it and waited for TH to tell me to have another bite, but I didn't and he didn't (probably because I ordered something and the little one didn't.)  But not finishing it was really hard - and I knew if I had finished it I would have kept eating - ice cream cookies cake- so I had to stop you see.

I had to stop to prove I could.  So even if I have gained weight this week, I have not lost the battle because I was able to stop eating something I really liked.   I am still in control.

Day 286 - What is the Catalyst?

So many people have asked why is this time different.  The answer is I don't know.  But here are some of my thoughts.

I promised T2 that I would go to India with her on her birthday - if I lost the weight - I didn't, but I was so very sad because I really really wanted to.

I got tired of not looking at myself.  When I would I would be just too disgusted.

I got tired of worrying about were I was going to park because it would hurt to walk to far.

I got tired of having to buy an extra seat in the theater because I spilled over into the other seat and I didn't want some stranger to have their show ruined because I couldn't fit in my seat.

I got tired of being embarrassed because I couldn't walk up a little hill without stopping ten times.

I got tired of peoples look of disgust when they actually looked at me.

I got worried that my dogs health was suffering because I couldn't take her for walks.

I started to worry that I wouldn't outlive my dog.

I got tired of wearing tents.

I got tired of having to sit at a table instead of a booth.

I got tired of worrying about whether or not I would break the chair.

I got tired about not wanting to go to someplace or event because I didn't know if I would fit.

I got tired of being traumatized with travel.

I got tired of my doctor telling me there wasn't anything she could do.

Really I just got tired of being fat.  I got tired of not being able to go on adventures because I was fat.  I was tired of people looking at me when I would talk about these adventures like I was a deluding myself.  I got tired of people telling me I  couldn't do it.


I am planning on going on rides next year because I couldn't fit this year so I still have things I want to do but can't because I am too large, but the list is getting shorter.

Day 285 - ARGH

It didn't save my post and I am not rewriting it!!!!

Day 284 - In sickness and health

No I am not talking about TH, I am talking about little T.  She has had a fever the last few days, and having never had children and all, I haven't a clue when a child is sick.  Maybe her grumpiness should have given me a clue, but hey she is always grumpy so I overlooked that.  Maybe her not wanting to eat would have been a clue, but she doesn't eat anything but junk food, so I overlooked that.  So maybe putting the thermometer in her mouth would have been a clue, but how did she make it go up so high?

Then it was I am sick I need to go to urgent care.  What the Hell is urgent care?  I have never been to urgent care in my life.  Our mom never took us to the doctor unless we had been sick for a month or so, and never took us to the doctor for a fever or cold.  In fact I don't recall but two times going to the doctor because I was sick.    Once at my sisters graduation, once in high school where they found that I had bronchitis, but there was nothing they could do about it.

So I was horrified that she was really sick telling me she had to go to urgent care.  Panicked I called her mom, who conferred with her dad who said if she wasn't coughing she would be fine.  But still she insisted that she needed to go to Urgent Care.

Finally I asked her why?  And she said they will give me medicine that will make me better.  We didn't go to Urgent Care, and I gave her medicine that made her better - aspirin.

Day 283 - I give myself permission

I have given myself permission not to be overly strict on the diet this next couple of weeks, and I found that I am quickly falling into old habits.  What does this mean?  It means - I think - I can't give myself permission to not be strict.  It means that I am far from changing my eating habits, it means that I need to stop telling myself that it is okay because...

It means the scale never lies...

Day 282 - Boy is having an eleven year old visiting hard

It has been a lot of drama these past couple of weeks.  I don't quite remember the last time I had so much drama, and I find myself acting like an eleven year old sometimes.

I am not like my other siblings who are loud and fun.  I am quiet and more introverted then they are, so being around me isn't all laughter and games.  I love laughter and games, that is why I love being around my family.  They are all loud obnoxious fun loving people, and just being with them makes me feel happy.

So I don't quite exude the same excitement that my siblings do, but at least I have fun - right?

Day 281 - Why we are fat

10 months ago I would give you all sorts of reasons why I am fat but the truth is I forgot how to eat.  For some people there may be an emotional component to it, and for some people there may be a physical component to it, but I think for most people, they indulge and forget how to eat.  One bite taste goods 10 tastes better.

It isn't a matter of will power, or a lack of desire or discipline, if that is all it was I don't think you would have as many heavy people as there are.  It is really not understanding that you are eating 500 calories when you have a small bag of popcorn with no butter.  You can eat that bag of popcorn but what are you willing to give up for it? It is not understanding that I over indulged yesterday, so compensate today.  It is not understanding if you diet you "can't ever eat anything good" but that you can have anything you want for a price.

At group we were talking with the facilitator and asked how someone could lose all their weight and gain it back in under a year.  She said that they were going through some emotional issues - she easily bought into their excuses, and I wondered how helpful that was.  Don't we all have emotional issues - big and small that we deal with?  It is a conscious choice to me now.  I can continue to watch what I eat and lose weight or I can give up.  Somedays I do want a bowl of ice cream.  But I want this weight gone more now.  

Day 280 - Gained weight again

I am not doing well with eating in the real world.  Yesterday B, LT and I went out for lunch and B and I shared a 529 calorie hamburger.  Then we went out to dinner and I ate the lowest calorie Indian food I could find, but still I gained weight this morning.  I can't figure this out.  Sunday morning I had actually lost 2.5 pounds and now today I am up 5 pounds from Sunday morning.

I knew this couple of weeks were going to be hard, trying to feed T and eating with them, but I really am thinking I just can't eat out at all.  It is really a rather horrid feeling thinking I will never be able to eat out, but on the other hand what did I do for the first five months?  Oh yea I stayed away from all these situations.  Well I actually have another week and a half to go - I am going to have to get a grip on it.

Day 279 - I did not have a morning bun

I love Bovine Bakery's Sticky Buns, they are the best in the world, but even though we bought 4 I did not eat a sticky bun.  I did have a taste of TH's cheese something or other, but I did not eat a morning bun.  However, I did have 8 chips today, oh well.

We went up to the Russian River so Baby T could visit with her cousin and meet her second cousin (?) or is it second cousin once removed?  I don't know how that works.  Anyway, she got to Kayak and swim in the river and I got to stand at the edge hoping I wasn't going to have to dive in and save my dog.  By the time we left I was starving, and I couldn't wait to get home and eat.  I think if we had it in the car I would have eaten the sticky buns.

We got pulled over by a very surly motor cycle cop,  he asked strange questions and gave TH a ticket for going 45 in a 35 zone.  TH wanted to joke with him, but he made the right choice not to.  TH might have to go to traffic school, he has been getting quite a few moving violations lately.

Well it is fajita's and Buffy, tomorrow it is girls day - shop til we drop, and Marie Calendar - I might not be eating dinner, but I have a fridge full of food, so ...

Day 278 - Pt Reyes

We started off this morning about 9:30, (after I pulled the preteen out of bed) and headed to Muir Woods.  We didn't see that many cars on the road, and I thought we would be back for some fun in the City, but there was absolutely no parking in the Park, so we headed on.  As we took those windy roads, I hear in the back  - I think I am going to be sick.   Thinking only of my fairly new car and how the stink of vomit will never  come out of it I started nagging TH to pull over.  Then she said that she didn't think she was going to but she might feel better if she did.  Again thinking of my car I said we would pull over and she could stick her finger down her throat, just as long as it wasn't in my car.  She turned me down and curled up in a tiny tiny ball and groaned.

I decided that we were going to the Bovine bakery, but I thought it was in Bolinas, so off we went to Bolinas.  However; for all of you who know about the Bovine bakery you know it isn't in Bolinas it is in Pt Reyes Station, which I found out as soon as my phone got some bars on it (I do love my Iphone.)

We ended up in Bolinas then in Pt Reyes Station which looked like biker (bicycle) central.  I think it was the Leukemia ride, but maybe it was a training ride, oh yea and there was a big arts festival going on as well.  So again parking wasn't readily available, but TH was on a mission and we ended up parking in someone elses lot.   We got all sorts of goodies and of course we got the little one Tums.

I decided that since we were out here we should go to Pt. Reyes Lighthouse, which actually got a rise from Little T.  She wanted to go!!! Yea me.

The last time I went to Pt. Reyes Lighthouse was with T2 and Big D.  I remember thinking as Big D walked down those many many steps, if she can do it I can too.

Fast forward 15 years later, I have been working out I thought it should be a piece of cake.  If Big D could do it at 65 or 70 I can do it easy.  Plus T2 and her amazing group just climbed Pikes Peak soo this I could do.

As I started down this guy coming up says are you sure you want to do this?  I look at him, smile broadly, and say of course.  Your smarter staying up then going down he said, but I ignored his warning a merrily made my way to the the Lighthouse.

Well I am not in as good of shape as I thought I was, I had to stop twice coming up and I didn't stop sweating until we were 40 miles away with the air conditioner blasting in my face.   As we said goodbye, I started thinking maybe I should come out here once a week and go up and down those steps a few dozen times, how long do you think it will take before it will become easy?

Day 277 - Others Blogs

I have been reading other peoples blogs about weight loss, and whereas I always thought I was unique in my observations (people only treated me bad because of my weight) I was astounded out how similar the blogs were.

One in specific talked about the plane - the seats - the belts.  The shame.  She was eloquent about how flying was so stressful for obese people, she even spoke of things I have not, but I do.

When you are waiting to get on, obese people look around to see if there are people larger then you getting on the plane as well.  Actually hoping that there is.  I would always look and if I saw a large person I would have a slight feeling of relief.

I remember one flight where this large woman got on and we sat across the aisle from one another, this was before I had my extenders, so I sat struggling to get the seat belt on, and I looked across at her to see what she was doing.  Well she had pulled the seat belt across her lap but didn't buckle it.  I was sure that they would ask her to buckle it, but they ignored her.  And she flew without a seat belt on.

I was never confidant enough to do that, so I always buckled and struggled, and generally (50% of the time) the stewardess would ask me if it was buckled.  I am sure they knew I struggled, and I am not sure that they would have given me an extender if I couldn't buckle the seat, so I was never sure why they asked.

But I am digressing, these other peoples blogs, they are wonderful and well written, poignant and beautiful, and they capture the heartache of the world of the obese.  Obese people do not stand together, but hide in shame, and in that place they can't/won't change.  I wanted to lose the weight alone, I did not want to share my weight with anyone, so I struggled for years to lose weight.  During that struggle, T2 and T1 kept telling me I needed a group, I needed to be held accountable, I needed people who knew what I was going through.  I probably wouldn't have done a group thing if the Optifast program didn't insist on it.

But it did, I did, and I am slowing getting better.  Because of Optifast, because of the group.

Day 276 - I have enough friends

Everybody has this story to tell either about themselves or someone else.  But I had two friends, one male one female, and the male developed a crush on the female, like a big crush and wanted me to play match maker.  I thought this would be a no brainer as the girl was a social misfit and the guy was BMOC.  So I agreed.  To make a long story short they went out a couple of times, then the girl told me she just wanted to be friends with him and would I tell him?  Why she couldn't tell him herself I never questioned.  I of course agreed and went and told him.  I know everyone can guess his response.  Yes it was I have enough friends I don't need anymore.

I was shocked of course because that is the first time I had ever heard that before and I took it quite literally.  How can you turn down friendship.  I personally never have enough friends, and if anyone made a gesture of friendship to me male or female I would grab at it.  So, well, I told her what he said and she shrugged and said his loss.

So over the years I have found out this is quite common among people who get their heart broken, but it still jolts me when I hear it.  So in group we were talking about the first group and the second group and one of our group members said that they just didn't have any energy to get to know the other group.  It took me back to the first time I heard "I have enough friends" and I thought how sad.

It is true that we are not meshing, but I am not feeling like I am wasting energy by being there or trying to mesh with them, I mean we do have six more months with them after all.  Further there are some in our group that I am not really fond of either.  But truthfully if those that I don't like in my group tried to be friends I know I wouldn't turn them away - because I don't have enough friends - ever.

Day 275 - Isn't this a competition?

So when I started dieting back on my birthday - that would be October 12,  I had the most to lose in the group. I wasn't proud of that fact, in fact it embarrassed me a bit, but I was determined to do this program and succeed.  I thought in the beginning I would be the one who lost the most the first few weeks, because I was the biggest, but two people beat me out.  Two very vocal people each losing over ten pounds.  Granted that first week I am not even sure I lost anything, (oh I must have or I would have been really depressed) but I was just so green with envy over these two that lost so much weight.

As time went on - one continued to do the program whereas the other ate 37 Almond Roca.  But still they spoke about losing the weight and working the program and just happy to be maintaining.  Me - I don't want to maintain I want to get to my goal weight - then I will work on maintaining, but I learned before not to become complacent when it comes to weight loss.  So yes I started out as the heaviest, and maybe I still am sometimes, but I am catching up to them, and I am sure that I am going to surpass some of them - soon.

So we are suppose to write down our weight everyday so the facilitator can determine that we are monitoring (I think she is just being curious) and I forgot to do it this last week (even though it is on my calendar,) but I did take a look at I Love Me girls numbers (just a little peek) and I am only 21 pounds away from her weight.  Twenty one pounds and 3-4 inches taller, oh I am not competitive or anything.

But I have been peeking at everybody's lately and I am not such an outlyer as I once was.  Oh those that are doing the program, I am not even close yet, but for 90% of the people coming - I am catching up.  And sometimes I am not the heaviest person in the room, that is a good thing.

Day 274 - What a 7X - I never wore a 7X

So I was looking in this clothes catalog and it was giving measurements for ordering, and it shows that with my current measurements I would be a 7X.  Not only that but it says further down that a 7X is between 400-450 pounds.  So I probably won't be buying from them - but only because I don't want to buy a 7X - Good Grief.

I did go on line to double check that it wasn't a typo and no it wasn't a typo.  So no matter how ridiculous it sounds I still am bummed by it.  Why would a clothing store that caters to the obese make the sizes - well so large.

What did you do today?  I fit into a size 7X - what size are you?  Bah.

I have been buying clothes a couple sizes smaller, and I just bought some that hopefully I can fit in by Christmas, but they are summer clothes, maybe I should send them back.

I am waiting for my New York trip, and I am going o a huge shopping spree, TH has promised when I hit goal I can spend up to $10,000 on new clothes.  Who wants to go with me?

Day 273 - Walk up Planet of the Apes Road

Finally made to Bill's Overlook

"The View" 

Day 272 - Quiet day at the house

It suddenly became very quiet, and rather lonely without the little one screaming crying and yelling.  So quiet that I had to do a little yelling myself just to make up for it.

So TH and T went on a walk to the Planet of the Apes road.  We used to walk it with Tyr, but haven't really done it since.  It is a really beautiful walk up the side of San Pedro Mt, I think.  I was looking for Montara Mountain and ended up there instead.  Just as nice, maybe not as hard, but the final destination is 1875, we got to about 875, not bad for the first time out.

With Tyr we never went that far, I was much lazier then and a two mile walk was far enough for me, now I have changed - I actually enjoy walking and it really wasn't all that bad.  It was all up hill on the way out, but  it was gradual so it wasn't like trying to chase J up Divisadero.

The only downside of the walk was when we were walking down T decided to take a bite out of somebodies dog, and I heard the kids say that she was a really mean dog (I saw T's teeth connect with the fur, and I was afraid she was going to draw blood.)  I have never seen her do that before, I am thinking of buying her a muzzle the little B.  TH was handling her at the time, and he kept her on a much looser reign then I do when dogs come by, so I am figuring she will do that with all dogs, so now she is just totally untrustworthy.

Now who is going to be my walking partner?

Day 271 - Who isn't a morning person

So I have never really been a morning person, but I found someone worse then me.  If we were the seven dwarfs, I would be happy and she would be grumpy.  Sheesh.

We were getting up early to go swim with the dolphins and I didn't know how long it would take so I made her get up at 7:30 so we could get on the road and 8:00.  I was really excited, it seemed like it was going to be the highlight of the trip for me.  I mean really, getting to touch and interact with these beautiful creatures is like a dream come true.

So when I finally did get her talking I asked if she was excited.  "Sure" was her answer.  Now I have been getting "sure" from her ever since she came here, and I have no idea what "sure" means.  So I said what does that mean, yes no indifferent.  And yes she said "sure".

Am I having a good time - sure.

Day 270-What to feed an eleven year old

So the first day here, Little T told me she hadn't eaten on the plane, so I said that we would go to see Big D and they both could go out for lunch.  I know Big D's just loves Wendy's Frosty's, so it was Wendy's that they were going.

We were planning on going out to dinner with LT, so I was hoping that she wouldn't eat too much, and surprisingly she only ordered those chicken drops or drips or whatever they are called, no ice cream, no dessert.  (However, the first thing she did when she got to Big D's house was go straight for the cookie jar.)  So she had been quiet on the way over, I was trying to worm information out of her, but it was like pulling teeth.  She has always been full throttle voice before so this was something different for me.  My little one is hitting puberty - boo hoo.  So on the way home it was worse, not a peep out of her.  She put her head phones on and was gone.  I was actually tired of trying to get her to talk, so I just sat there driving, fuming a little, feeling sorry a little then I hear this big honk, I nearly careened into the other lane, and looked over to see her in a very deep sleep.  I felt a little better - but just a bit.  So for the next 30 minutes I got serenaded with the sweet sound of very adult sounding snores.  In fact they were so loud, I kept getting dirty looks from the neighboring cars - they couldn't hear their music through her snores.

But we went to Chevy's and she got her virgin drink and a plate of nachos (if you can't eat what you want when you visit your aunt then what fun is it coming to visit your aunt.)  So it was my turn.  The lowest calorie meal was 600 calories - and for me that is two meals, so I found a taco that was 200 calories and ordered that.  For the first time in my life I got "just one taco, are you sure you don't want something else."  The only time I have ever heard that before was when I am with T2 who orders like that all the time.  Hey T2 maybe next time we can share the pea.

Day 269 - Alien Visit

Eleven year old girls are not normally alien, because I was once an eleven year old girl, so when I have this little stranger in our midst, I always think I know exactly what she will want.  But I was never main stream, so I tend to try and appeal to her imagination rather then -well- rather then Justin Beiber.

Imagine my shock when we went into a store and she screamed like a little girl when she saw a magazine cover of Justin Beiber.  Who is Justin Beiber and why is she screaming like a little girl?  Oh yea right - she is a little girl.  

Day 268 - Walk and Group

J and I have taken to walking before group, and as I have said before she pushes me.  She takes those hills like a bat out of hell and it takes everything I have to keep up.  So another group member asked to join, and being the nice sensitive people we are we agreed.

Problem is she is a bit slow.  She caught up to us on the last part of the walk  - the downhill and flat, and we had to - well amble- and even then she started to lag behind.  I am fine with people walking with us, but this was my walk with someone who actually walked, walked with me and talked.

I love walking with anyone - but each walk has a different aspect, some walk fast but don't talk, some walk slow and talk and some just love to enjoy nature and want to savior it in quiet harmony.  I love all of that - but with J I get to walk at my pace and talk and she is the only person who I regularly walk with that I can do that with.  And now we are going to have to amble?  Oh well.

So at group it was mostly the first group, and we were talking about doing some kind of activity together, and before we had talked about doing Kayaking.  I was really looking forward to that, and the first group just completely vetoed it.

They want to walk across the bridge - then take the ferry back.  Then everyone started going well how are we going to get from the ferry building to our cars - I mean really?  When I said why don't we walk, everyone was like - how far is that.  Then they said the blue line or some such will take us back to our cars.  Hey I have an idea, why don't we drive across the bridge...

Day 267 - The long drive home

So we got up early to come home and I thought there would be no problem with traffic, but no it was a mess.  Going up to GV takes about 2.5-3.0 hours depending on traffic, we left at 9:30 and got home at 2:00.  At least I wasn't driving.

We passed what looked like an accident - but when I got by the truck I saw this guy in the car not moving and the guy behind was trying to do something for him.  I think he had a heart attack, but I couldn't really tell.

We got home and I immediately weighed myself on all the scales because it was weigh in day and I totally freaked out - I hadn't eaten at all and I had gained three pounds.  So I rushed downstairs and did the ellipitcal hard.  That has always been good for a few pounds, but when I finished and weighed myself it still showed two pounds up.  I have never gained weight before, and I was absolutely beside myself.  But there was nothing I could do.

So yes I gained weight this week.  And now I have little T - ARGH!!!

Day 266 - I am the Queen of Pinball

So T1 and I are having a pinball tournament and since they are my games - I just thought that I would beat her butt.  But oh no, she won one tournament  - handily I might add.

She did tell me that it was all luck, but I haven't quite the skill that my BIL1 has, so my winning is luck as well.  When baby T was here she beat me as well.  So well maybe I am not the pinball Queen, but I do give it the honest try and I can beat Big D every time.

Talk about a losing streak, I swear every time I play cribbage with Big D I am either the unluckiest person alive or she has skills beyond my understanding.  She always tells me that she gets lucky, but the few times that I beat her, she tells me that I have skill - go figure.

And while we are on games - don't get me started on scrabble!!!

Well I heard my phone chirp - its my turn.

Day 265 - Grass Valley

Well as everyone knows this is a diet blog and the trials and tribulations of my trying to lose weight.  I started a program with Kaiser and now we are in the 37th week.  There have been challenging times, but for the most part  I have been chugging along.

This is the first holiday that I have been able to eat at since October, and I am trying to stay on point, but it is hard.  So far I haven't given into temptation, but my favorite food abound.

I have been swimming, but I woke up and found the pool at 103 degrees (that is as hot as our hot tub) so I spent an hour soaking.  It was wonderful, but we have a hot tub.  So we turned the heater off (I think that during the summer months we won't have to heat the pool) and was able to do some "laps" so to speak.

I keep weighing myself, and I haven't lost anything, but I haven't gained either - so all is good so far.

Day 264 - Wild and Wacky Ride to GV

We decided to come up to Grass Valley over the 4th of July weekend.  I have been looking forward to this weekend for a while now and finally T1 was going to see our house of paradise. 

We have a big truck with a huge back seat, so i knew that we wouldn't have any problems driving up here.  However; T didn't want to cooperate with my plans.  She decided that she needed to sit on the seat rather then the floor as I had planned, so it ended up being a bit squashed for her, even though T1, N2 and I where perfectly comfortable. 

She fussed about and trying to sleep in the sitting position laying her head at awkard position, in general not very comfortable.  Finally towards the end of the ride she did get on the floor, but she was a bit stuck and ended up taking up T1's space, but I had a perfectly groovy ride along with N2.

GV is beautiful Green and fertile, and   little N2 is having a grand ole time with the big outdoors.

Day 263 - To the Doctor

So It was Doctor day today. 
I went to see the doctor, mainly because my knee was hurting again, and I figured that it had to be hurt.  I am just to young to have arthritis, and I don't want to have a knee replacement. 

So I told her about the pain and she said it could be blah blah blah.  But just to be on the safe side I should have an x-ray. 

Well it was arthritis, and I am now completely bummed.  I know complaining about the weight gain and how it ruined my knees is not helpful, but...well it is true.

If I could do it again, I wouldn't gain the weight. You know when you are gaining weight that there is a point that you can't stop, but there is a point that is the "danger" point, and I always knew where that point was.  I had even shared it with TH.  But life happens, and 15 years later here I am trying to get back to where I originally was. 

But I will never be back to were I originally was because I have arthritis now.