Friday, December 30, 2011
Day 446 - Thursday - Blasted.
Day 445 - Wednesday - Swimming and food
So it was an easy/hard day at swimming. LZ worked me hard, or I worked hard for LZ I am not really sure which it is. I dread these days a little, only because it is so hard. I push myself because I want to impress LZ, but then I crash and burn.
It was also suppose to be the first day of the 40 pounds, and though I did sort of okay, I wasn't perfect, so I told TH that he had to get rid of all the food, at least for a few months. No crackers, no popcorn, no yummy chicken. Everything must go. I must have no temptation in this house. My house of cards has fallen. After over a year with his food in the house, I finally couldn't handle it anymore.
To TH's credit he did get rid of most everything. Mostly. I did find some yummy almonds that I munched on, but hey I needed the protein.
Maybe tomorrow I can stay strictly on the diet - yes?
It was also suppose to be the first day of the 40 pounds, and though I did sort of okay, I wasn't perfect, so I told TH that he had to get rid of all the food, at least for a few months. No crackers, no popcorn, no yummy chicken. Everything must go. I must have no temptation in this house. My house of cards has fallen. After over a year with his food in the house, I finally couldn't handle it anymore.
To TH's credit he did get rid of most everything. Mostly. I did find some yummy almonds that I munched on, but hey I needed the protein.
Maybe tomorrow I can stay strictly on the diet - yes?
Day 441 - Tuesday - Yikes a four pound gain
So instead of working towards my 40 pound loss I actually had a four pound gain. Does that mean that my goal is 44 pounds or is it still 40? I guess it is 40, because today is the starting day for the 40 pounds. I wasn't sure I would get the 40 pounds - now 44 - no definitely 40.
I did everything right today except eat. I exercised twice, weighed myself, and drank lots of liquids, but still I ate too much. Why is it so hard? Why has the heavens conspired against me? So again I woke up in a panic attack, I was right were I had started. I didn't fit in chairs anymore, I couldn't go to India, I was being laughed at by the rest of the world and nobody liked me anymore. I had failed.
Can Wednesday be any better?
I did everything right today except eat. I exercised twice, weighed myself, and drank lots of liquids, but still I ate too much. Why is it so hard? Why has the heavens conspired against me? So again I woke up in a panic attack, I was right were I had started. I didn't fit in chairs anymore, I couldn't go to India, I was being laughed at by the rest of the world and nobody liked me anymore. I had failed.
Can Wednesday be any better?
Day 440 - Monday - Oops
So I have been talking about this and that, circling around the real problem and that is I have been - well I haven't been doing 1200 calories that is for sure.
Probably at this time the blog is the most important thing, but you find when you - um - fall off you don't want to weigh yourself and you don't want to write about how you are failing.
Failing that everything else has been good. Wonderful Christmas (as TH said) with wonderful family and friends. My cupeth run over. I hadn't been exercising since Friday, and I didn't swim so I knew I had to do something or it would be another failed day. So a walk it was - up to the cross and back. By the time I get in it was dark, and scary outside, yet it was only 5:30. Someone needs to fix winter.
But even though I had hoped to be "good" I found that I again slipped - Ah well another day another try.
Probably at this time the blog is the most important thing, but you find when you - um - fall off you don't want to weigh yourself and you don't want to write about how you are failing.
Failing that everything else has been good. Wonderful Christmas (as TH said) with wonderful family and friends. My cupeth run over. I hadn't been exercising since Friday, and I didn't swim so I knew I had to do something or it would be another failed day. So a walk it was - up to the cross and back. By the time I get in it was dark, and scary outside, yet it was only 5:30. Someone needs to fix winter.
But even though I had hoped to be "good" I found that I again slipped - Ah well another day another try.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Day 438 - Saturday - Christmas eve
Christmas eve was wonderful. We had our normal lunch at Neiman Marcus and then played games in the evening - what could be better? I love Christmas!!!!
Day 437 - Friday - Food and happiness
Who says food can't buy happiness or some such thing. I know that I said only two days (tomorrow and Sunday) but it seems that those two days have grown into uh - maybe five? So I know that I am not being the perfect eating machine, but I am trying to keep it down, but it is much harder then I thought it would be.
There is something psychological that happens when you say you are going to give yourself a free day or two. I think this is not something that I was ready for. So I have taken some giant steps back. But going to bed I had a panic attack in the middle of the night thinking that I was right back were I started from, yet that did not stop me from gorging the next day. This is pitiful. I am pitiful.
There is something psychological that happens when you say you are going to give yourself a free day or two. I think this is not something that I was ready for. So I have taken some giant steps back. But going to bed I had a panic attack in the middle of the night thinking that I was right back were I started from, yet that did not stop me from gorging the next day. This is pitiful. I am pitiful.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Day 436 - I will gladly pay you Tuesday
EC Segar definitely knew fat people when he created Wimpy. Instant gratification that is what it is all about. Now I want to be a fast swimmer, but I don't want to hurt. Is there a way that I can be fast and not hurt? Can anything good come without a price? Life would be pretty boring if everything was easy.
So I have asked myself would it have been easier to say wake up one morning and have all the weight gone. I thought so a year ago. What would I have paid for that? But having done it this way I am glad I had to work at it. I am glad I didn't wake up one morning and find that I was the perfect weight. Why? A sense of accomplishment? No. It just feels right this way. Like it was suppose to be this way.
However; I am one who is big about wanting something and wanting it now. I, unlike TH, do not like to savior the moment. I rip off the wrapping paper, he slowly peals off the tape enjoying the anticipation. I scream at him impatiently open it for god's sake, he responds I am I am -I just am enjoying it. I get a bowl of ice cream I scarf it down, he gets a bowl of ice cream he eats it so slowly that it melts. He promises me something I expect it immediately, he thinks if he promises me something as long as I get it before he dies that is good enough. It puts us at odds sometimes.
But I have been thinking that may have something to do with my obesity. It never has been lack of impulse control, but it definitely is all about the moment. I will always pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
So I have asked myself would it have been easier to say wake up one morning and have all the weight gone. I thought so a year ago. What would I have paid for that? But having done it this way I am glad I had to work at it. I am glad I didn't wake up one morning and find that I was the perfect weight. Why? A sense of accomplishment? No. It just feels right this way. Like it was suppose to be this way.
However; I am one who is big about wanting something and wanting it now. I, unlike TH, do not like to savior the moment. I rip off the wrapping paper, he slowly peals off the tape enjoying the anticipation. I scream at him impatiently open it for god's sake, he responds I am I am -I just am enjoying it. I get a bowl of ice cream I scarf it down, he gets a bowl of ice cream he eats it so slowly that it melts. He promises me something I expect it immediately, he thinks if he promises me something as long as I get it before he dies that is good enough. It puts us at odds sometimes.
But I have been thinking that may have something to do with my obesity. It never has been lack of impulse control, but it definitely is all about the moment. I will always pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Day 435 - Wednesday - Danger Will Robinson Danger
Group was - well it was. I sat listening to this woman say she was just tired of the whole diet thing and she wasn't going to do it , then she told us how she maintained even though she was tired of it and ready to throw in the towel. When she talked about going off and not caring, I kind of understood. But not her attitude if that makes any sense. I think at one time or another we all feel what is it all for. But if we just make it through that period we are fine again. But some people just have negative attitude. You are not going to have a long term result if you say it out loud. Feeling like quitting is something entirely different then quitting.
LZ had me do six 100's and I was suppose to do them all the same - but I went out to hard and spent the rest of the workout wishing I could take it all back. Now I really just wanted to quit after the second 100, but then I worried if I told her I can't do it would she fire me? I just can't take that chance, so I tried my best and yes I ended a little anaerobic, but I wasn't going to let her know, and when she left I limped out of the pool (only after I knew she was gone.)
So I dream often of quitting, but I seldom follow through.
LZ had me do six 100's and I was suppose to do them all the same - but I went out to hard and spent the rest of the workout wishing I could take it all back. Now I really just wanted to quit after the second 100, but then I worried if I told her I can't do it would she fire me? I just can't take that chance, so I tried my best and yes I ended a little anaerobic, but I wasn't going to let her know, and when she left I limped out of the pool (only after I knew she was gone.)
So I dream often of quitting, but I seldom follow through.
Day 434 - Tuesday - A new day
So days become a blur as you get closer and closer to a particular event. In this case Christmas. I really look forward to this day all year. Last year was good, but the Coloradians weren't here so it seemed just a tad quieter then normal. And of course last year I was on the liquid portion of the diet, so no food for me.
This year - well lets just say it is more of a challenge than I had originally thought. I mean it really is only two days of indulgence the rest is just normal days - wrong. The whole holiday season is all about food. And I am not immune. I keep saying I am only going to eat TFD, but then something happens and I end up indulging in some other foods. As I sit here writing this I am reaffirming my desire to finish with the goal weight, the goal the satisfaction of completing an almost impossible task. Yes I want to hit goal by the end of the 82 weeks, will it be possible, most think probably not, but I being who I am will give it a go.
Well okay I am not going for goal goal (that would be 50 pounds, and that I don't think I can do that) but I can try for forty. And forty is 10 pounds under my "danger point" so it is a good goal to shoot for. Then I can take my time on the last ten.
So I will share for the last four months my weekly weight loss (or gain hopefully not) and you can all be my cheerleaders.
This year - well lets just say it is more of a challenge than I had originally thought. I mean it really is only two days of indulgence the rest is just normal days - wrong. The whole holiday season is all about food. And I am not immune. I keep saying I am only going to eat TFD, but then something happens and I end up indulging in some other foods. As I sit here writing this I am reaffirming my desire to finish with the goal weight, the goal the satisfaction of completing an almost impossible task. Yes I want to hit goal by the end of the 82 weeks, will it be possible, most think probably not, but I being who I am will give it a go.
Well okay I am not going for goal goal (that would be 50 pounds, and that I don't think I can do that) but I can try for forty. And forty is 10 pounds under my "danger point" so it is a good goal to shoot for. Then I can take my time on the last ten.
So I will share for the last four months my weekly weight loss (or gain hopefully not) and you can all be my cheerleaders.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 433 - Monday Who knows my heart better the K?
So I have been lamenting about my love of popcorn and how I can't turn it off, and what do I receive, but a bucket of popcorn. Now who knows me better then my oldest friend?
When we were young and mad we ate a lot of junk food, but mostly it was mac and cheese with extra cheese. Never could get enough cheese. Or our famous bagels with cream cheese, roast beef and BBQ sauce. Nobody made those bagels better then K and I. Our nacho frenzy's, steak with sour cream, late nights at Denny's watching the world a very different world go by.
K and I never shared food, we never said lets share a desert, or meal, everything was hers and mine. Okay okay we would share the nachos, but that is all. But even though we didn't share our food we shared our taste, we would order the exact same thing, so I guess we didn't need to try the other persons. We even wore the same clothes (well not the same size as she is 4 inches taller than I am and was 20 pounds thinner than I was at that time) but we would go and find the same pants and tops and hats (hers pink mine black) and go walking around like some kind of female gangsters. And we were - we were the Deli gangster gang.
But alas I got old and my genes kicked in and I became obese - she on the other hand has stayed the same over the last 30 years, tall, slim and beautiful.
Thanks K for the popcorn - your the best.
When we were young and mad we ate a lot of junk food, but mostly it was mac and cheese with extra cheese. Never could get enough cheese. Or our famous bagels with cream cheese, roast beef and BBQ sauce. Nobody made those bagels better then K and I. Our nacho frenzy's, steak with sour cream, late nights at Denny's watching the world a very different world go by.
K and I never shared food, we never said lets share a desert, or meal, everything was hers and mine. Okay okay we would share the nachos, but that is all. But even though we didn't share our food we shared our taste, we would order the exact same thing, so I guess we didn't need to try the other persons. We even wore the same clothes (well not the same size as she is 4 inches taller than I am and was 20 pounds thinner than I was at that time) but we would go and find the same pants and tops and hats (hers pink mine black) and go walking around like some kind of female gangsters. And we were - we were the Deli gangster gang.
But alas I got old and my genes kicked in and I became obese - she on the other hand has stayed the same over the last 30 years, tall, slim and beautiful.
Thanks K for the popcorn - your the best.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Day 432 - Sunday
So I love My Habit, I buy stuff there all the time even though I keep saying that I am going to wait until I lose all the weight before buying new clothes, but...well I know have a full closet full of clothes that fit now. I just can't help it. For many people they don't know that my most secret of vices is clothes. Even when I was poor and couldn't afford anything I would always be able to buy something new. So even back then I had a closet full of clothes.
But though I love clothes I don't take care of them, so they don't last long with me. Now especially with dogs, for instance I had a nice skirt set, but as I was twirling around the skirt just happened to end up in some dogs mouth (like magic) and the next thing I know we are playing tug of war with my skirt (and me still in it mind you.) I lost that one. RIP beautiful skirt.
So when I started to work after getting my degree I had no professional clothes so TH took me out and bought like eight Pendleton suits for me. They were gorgeous, and I loved them until I couldn't get into them anymore. They lasted a year, but I couldn't bear to part with them so I packed them up and hoped someday I would fit into them again. So at the new goal weight (12 pounds) I do fit into all the suits - So I just can't lose sight of this project - popcorn or not.
I had to remind myself yesterday that there is no tomorrow and I can't start getting back on track tomorrow after eating all that delicious popcorn. So though there is popcorn left I avert my eyes when I walk by and though the pied piper calls to me I close my ears to his tune. No No NO I will not eat popcorn, I have Pendletons to wear.
But though I love clothes I don't take care of them, so they don't last long with me. Now especially with dogs, for instance I had a nice skirt set, but as I was twirling around the skirt just happened to end up in some dogs mouth (like magic) and the next thing I know we are playing tug of war with my skirt (and me still in it mind you.) I lost that one. RIP beautiful skirt.
So when I started to work after getting my degree I had no professional clothes so TH took me out and bought like eight Pendleton suits for me. They were gorgeous, and I loved them until I couldn't get into them anymore. They lasted a year, but I couldn't bear to part with them so I packed them up and hoped someday I would fit into them again. So at the new goal weight (12 pounds) I do fit into all the suits - So I just can't lose sight of this project - popcorn or not.
I had to remind myself yesterday that there is no tomorrow and I can't start getting back on track tomorrow after eating all that delicious popcorn. So though there is popcorn left I avert my eyes when I walk by and though the pied piper calls to me I close my ears to his tune. No No NO I will not eat popcorn, I have Pendletons to wear.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Day 431 - Saturday - OOPS
So I had a good weight lose last week, and this week I have actually gone quite over the deep end. I have many many foods that I love, ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, donuts...I am sure you get the idea, but the one food that I really love and I make it a treat every time I go the movies is popcorn. I love popcorn. Plain popcorn, butter popcorn, caramel popcorn, cheese popcorn, if it is popcorn then I probably love it.
When I was on my first diet back in 1980 or around there I lost a lot of weight (remember the last goal was where I started on that diet) but the food that I had on that diet (nutrisystem) was this freeze dried stuff, and after a couple of months you aren't really sure that you could gag down one more of those meals. So at the time I just stopped eating. Probably got horribly malnourished and is the ultimate cause for this last weight gain, but that is all besides the point. The point being is that the only food I ate for like two months was popcorn. I would go to the grocery store and at that time they had these large plastic bags full of popcorn and I would buy one and proceed to eat it for the rest of the day. Eventually they stopped selling them so I stopped eating popcorn (really microwave popcorn just doesn't cut it for me.)
So as a treat TH bought popcorn from the popcorn factory. Oh me Oh my. I have been in heaven, but I haven't been - hmm I am not sure the word I am looking for - but I have not controlled my intake of this wonderful delicious food. So when I got on the scale today, lets just say I have gone backwards. Not just a little, but a lot. So what have I learned? Leave the popcorn to the theaters.
No popcorn in the house.
Lets see - no ice cream, no cookies, no candy, no cake, no donuts and now no popcorn. Whats next? Oh yea no food.
When I was on my first diet back in 1980 or around there I lost a lot of weight (remember the last goal was where I started on that diet) but the food that I had on that diet (nutrisystem) was this freeze dried stuff, and after a couple of months you aren't really sure that you could gag down one more of those meals. So at the time I just stopped eating. Probably got horribly malnourished and is the ultimate cause for this last weight gain, but that is all besides the point. The point being is that the only food I ate for like two months was popcorn. I would go to the grocery store and at that time they had these large plastic bags full of popcorn and I would buy one and proceed to eat it for the rest of the day. Eventually they stopped selling them so I stopped eating popcorn (really microwave popcorn just doesn't cut it for me.)
So as a treat TH bought popcorn from the popcorn factory. Oh me Oh my. I have been in heaven, but I haven't been - hmm I am not sure the word I am looking for - but I have not controlled my intake of this wonderful delicious food. So when I got on the scale today, lets just say I have gone backwards. Not just a little, but a lot. So what have I learned? Leave the popcorn to the theaters.
No popcorn in the house.
Lets see - no ice cream, no cookies, no candy, no cake, no donuts and now no popcorn. Whats next? Oh yea no food.
Day 430 - Friday - Swimming
So I pulled myself out of bed at the crack of dawn and sped down to the local swimming hole. I knew I had to go or I wouldn't get my swimming in for the week, but dang it was cold. As I got closer to the pool the car beeped, and I thought great my car is broken. But no - it was just the outside that was broken. 36 degrees, and I was swimming outside? YUCK!!! I really need to find an inside pool.
But on a positive note I was able to do the stroke rate at 23 per lap (though it was rather slow) but T2 said I should spend the whole week working on just that. So that is what I did. Well this work out I did. But all the research I have done does say that you need to perfect your technique and then your speed will come. Truth is I am working some muscles because I certainly was sore when I finished up.
So I ended up doing 3300 yards - two swimming miles (I know a mile is 1760, but we call a 1650 a mile - I guess we need a little break - I bet runners a mile is what 2000 yards?) So from here on out when I talk about miles it is always 1650.
The rest of the day was all about cleaning and getting ready for CHRISTMAS. I am such an old lady, but Christmas still excites me. PResents presents presents...
But on a positive note I was able to do the stroke rate at 23 per lap (though it was rather slow) but T2 said I should spend the whole week working on just that. So that is what I did. Well this work out I did. But all the research I have done does say that you need to perfect your technique and then your speed will come. Truth is I am working some muscles because I certainly was sore when I finished up.
So I ended up doing 3300 yards - two swimming miles (I know a mile is 1760, but we call a 1650 a mile - I guess we need a little break - I bet runners a mile is what 2000 yards?) So from here on out when I talk about miles it is always 1650.
The rest of the day was all about cleaning and getting ready for CHRISTMAS. I am such an old lady, but Christmas still excites me. PResents presents presents...
Day 429 - Thursday I hate dentist
Thursday ended up with me in total depression. I hate dentists. So I went to the dentist and came home and went to bed. I know I need to start getting the house ready for the holidays, but I just was much to much depressed.
Did I say I hate dentists?
Did I say I hate dentists?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Day 428 - Wednesday group
So yesterday at Kaiser there was a new cohort waiting for there medical checks, and I sat down next to this woman who was maybe as large as I was when I started. I don't know really, it is hard to tell because everyone carries their weight differently. But she was large and she was overflowing the chair like I used to, so I just put her in my weight range.
My thought last night wasn't my how large she is, but she can do it too. I wanted to tell her I was as large as she was and I lost a lot of weight, but though I would want to hear it, I don't think I would take kindly to someone telling me - I was as fat as you and look how far I have come.
I still feel daunted by what I still have left to lose, but the urgency is gone. I am of a size that the world accommodates for. I don't have to worry that I won't fit in a booth or seat, that I will be scorned or turned away because I am too large, people are more accepting of my weight now then - well ever.
At this weight when I was 23 I was scorned and looked down upon, but as you get older people are more accepting of you being a bit larger (a bit) I guess they figure at this age whatever sex appeal I had went away when you got "middle aged." So...it is okay to be "matronly" so to speak.
But you can't swim fast being matronly.
My thought last night wasn't my how large she is, but she can do it too. I wanted to tell her I was as large as she was and I lost a lot of weight, but though I would want to hear it, I don't think I would take kindly to someone telling me - I was as fat as you and look how far I have come.
I still feel daunted by what I still have left to lose, but the urgency is gone. I am of a size that the world accommodates for. I don't have to worry that I won't fit in a booth or seat, that I will be scorned or turned away because I am too large, people are more accepting of my weight now then - well ever.
At this weight when I was 23 I was scorned and looked down upon, but as you get older people are more accepting of you being a bit larger (a bit) I guess they figure at this age whatever sex appeal I had went away when you got "middle aged." So...it is okay to be "matronly" so to speak.
But you can't swim fast being matronly.
Day 427 - Tuesday - Weigh in
Today is weigh in. I don't really know what I hope for. Weight loss - yes, but what else. I saw on Good Morning America about this girl who lost 282 pounds on Weight Watchers. She did it in three years. She just has another 100 to go to goal.
I always see these stories lost 100 pounds - lost 200 pounds on my website, but are they true? Is really there that many people out there that has lost over a hundred pounds. How common is it really. I mean to lose a hundred pounds and keep it off.
It is a question that I keep asking. Since I am still trying to lose weight does this count as long term weight loss (well I have kept the first 30 pounds off for a year.) Or do they start counting long term after it all comes off. So they say if you keep it off for two years generally people will keep it off for five. I just want to know when my two years is up.
I always see these stories lost 100 pounds - lost 200 pounds on my website, but are they true? Is really there that many people out there that has lost over a hundred pounds. How common is it really. I mean to lose a hundred pounds and keep it off.
It is a question that I keep asking. Since I am still trying to lose weight does this count as long term weight loss (well I have kept the first 30 pounds off for a year.) Or do they start counting long term after it all comes off. So they say if you keep it off for two years generally people will keep it off for five. I just want to know when my two years is up.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day 426- Swimming at Big D's
So I am beginning to not look forward to the early morning swims (to cold) so when I woke up and looked at the clock it was just this big groan no -I am not getting up.
But I have promised to swim at least 4 days a week (five would be best, but I am okay for now with four) so I was planning on taking big D shopping so I thought I would just go ahead and swim while I was out there.
So we get there and I sign in and jump in the water and the next thing I know I have 5 lifeguards standing over me. - Did I pass out? I wasn't really sure what was going on, but I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong.
The life guard bent over and whispered "there is a spy next to you and you don't have your guest band on."
Such intrigue spies - being marked - what is the world coming to?
So I decided that I would go harder this time (just to see if I could) but I did back, because it is easier for me to aerobic with back stroke then with free. I know that I will eventually have to work on those dang turns, but for now, I did the 100 back in the same time that I have been doing the 100 free. Hmm...still not fast enough though.
But I have promised to swim at least 4 days a week (five would be best, but I am okay for now with four) so I was planning on taking big D shopping so I thought I would just go ahead and swim while I was out there.
So we get there and I sign in and jump in the water and the next thing I know I have 5 lifeguards standing over me. - Did I pass out? I wasn't really sure what was going on, but I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong.
The life guard bent over and whispered "there is a spy next to you and you don't have your guest band on."
Such intrigue spies - being marked - what is the world coming to?
So I decided that I would go harder this time (just to see if I could) but I did back, because it is easier for me to aerobic with back stroke then with free. I know that I will eventually have to work on those dang turns, but for now, I did the 100 back in the same time that I have been doing the 100 free. Hmm...still not fast enough though.
Day 425 - Sunday Rainy day in the City
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 424 - Saturday - Swimming at Big D's
So I went to Rossmoor to swim in there wonderful indoor pool, and TH came to watch for the first time. The pool was a little on the warm side (I guess I am getting used to slightly colder pools) and the chemicals bothered my nose some, but other than that it was perfect.
So I got in and started swimming and the guy two lanes over was lapping me and I was a little disappointed, but I thought well I am planning on doing two sets of a 1000 so I can't go that fast anyway. I know - always an excuse. So I went my merry way swimming length after length until he got out. Then out of no where this little upstart started to lap me as well. I mean really - is there no where that I can go that I can't be the fastest swimmer in the pool?
Only saving grace was she got in the pool after me and out before me. But she probably did as many laps as I did - oh well.
So when we driving home TH goes you were the second fastest in the pool. I said well really I was the third fastest, and there were only three swimmers so I either came in third or last however you want to look at it.
No no TH said there were other people in the pool. Okay yes there were a bunch of eighty and ninety year olds that it took them close to five minutes to finish one lap and even then I was afraid for them, but saying that there was others in the pool - let just say there was only three in the pool that could swim.
It is funny to watch these little old ladies making their way to the end of the pool trying very hard not to let their hair get wet. And if you are swimming and you accidentally splash them they think you did it on purpose and that you are an evil person. I say what are you doing at a pool if you don't want to get your hair wet?
Anyway, I asked TH (or maybe stated I don't know) that she was much younger then I was (the girl swimmer) and he said yeah she looked to be in her early 50's. HUH??? Now how old does he think I am? I still consider myself in my early 50's and I plan to stay in my early 50's until I am 56 then I will be in my mid 50's, but that definitely wasn't the answer I was looking for.
Now my dearest mother knew the exactly right thing to say, no T she was definitely in her early 40's if not late 30's. Love you mom.
So then TH goes, I don't know much about swimming but it seemed that you only had one speed, slow. I know with running we go slow, fast, slow, fast, maybe with swimming it is just one speed?
Well Sweety, it is just one speed for me. I am not in the best of shape and the only time that I have more then one speed is with LZ and then I can barely make it through a half hour. So to do a full workout I can't do it at any other speed then slow.
Oh well (seems to be my catch phrase) I try.
So I got in and started swimming and the guy two lanes over was lapping me and I was a little disappointed, but I thought well I am planning on doing two sets of a 1000 so I can't go that fast anyway. I know - always an excuse. So I went my merry way swimming length after length until he got out. Then out of no where this little upstart started to lap me as well. I mean really - is there no where that I can go that I can't be the fastest swimmer in the pool?
Only saving grace was she got in the pool after me and out before me. But she probably did as many laps as I did - oh well.
So when we driving home TH goes you were the second fastest in the pool. I said well really I was the third fastest, and there were only three swimmers so I either came in third or last however you want to look at it.
No no TH said there were other people in the pool. Okay yes there were a bunch of eighty and ninety year olds that it took them close to five minutes to finish one lap and even then I was afraid for them, but saying that there was others in the pool - let just say there was only three in the pool that could swim.
It is funny to watch these little old ladies making their way to the end of the pool trying very hard not to let their hair get wet. And if you are swimming and you accidentally splash them they think you did it on purpose and that you are an evil person. I say what are you doing at a pool if you don't want to get your hair wet?
Anyway, I asked TH (or maybe stated I don't know) that she was much younger then I was (the girl swimmer) and he said yeah she looked to be in her early 50's. HUH??? Now how old does he think I am? I still consider myself in my early 50's and I plan to stay in my early 50's until I am 56 then I will be in my mid 50's, but that definitely wasn't the answer I was looking for.
Now my dearest mother knew the exactly right thing to say, no T she was definitely in her early 40's if not late 30's. Love you mom.
So then TH goes, I don't know much about swimming but it seemed that you only had one speed, slow. I know with running we go slow, fast, slow, fast, maybe with swimming it is just one speed?
Well Sweety, it is just one speed for me. I am not in the best of shape and the only time that I have more then one speed is with LZ and then I can barely make it through a half hour. So to do a full workout I can't do it at any other speed then slow.
Oh well (seems to be my catch phrase) I try.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Day 423 - Friday - Ooo Clothes
When T2 was here last week I tried on all of J's clothes and we had our own little fashion show. We both decided that J can pick out all my clothes or when she gets tired of her clothes she can just give them to me.
I haven't had a chance to wear any of the new clothes that I have - yet.
Interlude - T just came running up to me with a bully stick hanging out of her mouth, it looked like a cigarillo, it was very cute. All I have been hearing all day is grr bark grr whine grr bark. T is being a bully when it comes to all the treats I have bought for the little one, and the little one thinks that she deserves them all since I did give them to her. When I am looking T will back away from them, but when I have my back to them it seems that T is a bit of a bully.
End interlude.
So today I have a meeting with an auditor and I decided that I would dress better then I have in the past. so I went and put on my new bra, my new boots, my new dress and jacket (thank you J) and I am ready to go. Probably overdressed, but hey I deserve it since I haven't been able to wear a dress in years.
I haven't had a chance to wear any of the new clothes that I have - yet.
Interlude - T just came running up to me with a bully stick hanging out of her mouth, it looked like a cigarillo, it was very cute. All I have been hearing all day is grr bark grr whine grr bark. T is being a bully when it comes to all the treats I have bought for the little one, and the little one thinks that she deserves them all since I did give them to her. When I am looking T will back away from them, but when I have my back to them it seems that T is a bit of a bully.
End interlude.
So today I have a meeting with an auditor and I decided that I would dress better then I have in the past. so I went and put on my new bra, my new boots, my new dress and jacket (thank you J) and I am ready to go. Probably overdressed, but hey I deserve it since I haven't been able to wear a dress in years.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Day 422 - Thursday - coloring
I always have something clever to say after I write the blog, but when it comes time to write it for the life of me I just can't think of anything to say. Today I went in to have my hair colored (my color of course) and sitting in front of that mirror with nothing to do but looking at my turkey neck I began feeling really sorry for myself. Would I have this turkey neck if I hadn't gained all that weight? If I would have had the turkey neck would it be as bad as it is?
I know people think I am vain (at least that is what they tell me) but I am not vain. I don't seem to think people realize that I always have felt plain (thick or thin didn't matter) and every time I ever looked in the mirror I have never liked what I saw. So there are times when I will see a picture and think huh thats' me? But most of the time I am who I am and that is just a plain jane.
I had blogged before that losing weight for older people will not bring you beauty and youth, but even younger people you are not going to suddenly become a beauty queen (or king.) But then who is? With fake noses, teeth, cheeks, lips, who know what people really look like now a days. Everyone can look 30 for a price. The future is here. But you can't do it by losing weight. You have to buy the scaple for that.
I know people think I am vain (at least that is what they tell me) but I am not vain. I don't seem to think people realize that I always have felt plain (thick or thin didn't matter) and every time I ever looked in the mirror I have never liked what I saw. So there are times when I will see a picture and think huh thats' me? But most of the time I am who I am and that is just a plain jane.
I had blogged before that losing weight for older people will not bring you beauty and youth, but even younger people you are not going to suddenly become a beauty queen (or king.) But then who is? With fake noses, teeth, cheeks, lips, who know what people really look like now a days. Everyone can look 30 for a price. The future is here. But you can't do it by losing weight. You have to buy the scaple for that.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Day 421 - Finally caught up Wednesday December 7, 2011
Well after like two months I finally saw E. She is the poster child of success making goal in July and keeping it off, without any of this oops I gained five pounds. She is consitent with the weight and she looks great. Something for everyone to strive for.
Group was actually okay this week, Cohort 1 finished up the 82 weeks, with three participants (I know doesn't sound like a lot, but it is better then none.) That means we have 20 more weeks. April 10th I guess is our final day, wow.
Last year this time I had lost 34.5 pounds and we were on week 10. I wouldn't mind losing as quickly as I was before, but I know that isn't realistic. I know now I won't make goal by the 82 weeks, but at least I will be in spitting distance (I hope) so just exercise and hope for the best.
Well tomorrow I get rid of the gray, wish me luck.
Group was actually okay this week, Cohort 1 finished up the 82 weeks, with three participants (I know doesn't sound like a lot, but it is better then none.) That means we have 20 more weeks. April 10th I guess is our final day, wow.
Last year this time I had lost 34.5 pounds and we were on week 10. I wouldn't mind losing as quickly as I was before, but I know that isn't realistic. I know now I won't make goal by the 82 weeks, but at least I will be in spitting distance (I hope) so just exercise and hope for the best.
Well tomorrow I get rid of the gray, wish me luck.
Day 420 - Tuesday - Finally Goal
So I finally met my 1985 goal. So this is the weight I was when I decided that I had to lose weight and my dad made a bet with me who could lose the most weight. I won the bet, but I don't think I collected. Oh well.
So the next goal is only 12 pounds, but it seems that at the rate I have been losing weight that might just take me into April. I certainly hope not, but according to my schedule that will be the January 6, but it took me two extra months to lose up to this goal.
The significance of this number is all about clothes. At this weight in the past, I was out of the plus sizes and into the regular sizes. I have found that I am not quite fitting into the clothes the same way I had been before, but I am thinking it is the loose skin. I will let everyone know if I can actually fit into regular sizes in twelve pounds. Historically I have found that 10 pounds is generally a size, but I don't know if that still hold true...Stayed tuned.
So the next goal is only 12 pounds, but it seems that at the rate I have been losing weight that might just take me into April. I certainly hope not, but according to my schedule that will be the January 6, but it took me two extra months to lose up to this goal.
The significance of this number is all about clothes. At this weight in the past, I was out of the plus sizes and into the regular sizes. I have found that I am not quite fitting into the clothes the same way I had been before, but I am thinking it is the loose skin. I will let everyone know if I can actually fit into regular sizes in twelve pounds. Historically I have found that 10 pounds is generally a size, but I don't know if that still hold true...Stayed tuned.
Day 419 - Monday December 5, 2011
I downloaded a bunch of pictures off the camera to post some pictures of TB, but I also have some pictures of me before the diet on the camera. Oh my.
I said that I would post before and after pictures, but I think that I am too ashamed to post the before. But also I can see why people didn't see my weight loss in the beginning. It was hard to see that I had lost weight, I did a good job hiding the weight. But still you can't hide it all.
It is kind of like driving by an accident, you don't want to look, but you just can't help it.
It helped me though. I have been having some difficulty in recent motivation. I have been semi okay with the status quo, but after seeing the pictures I definitely do not want to be there again. It seems to me I lost my way for a few weeks, but I seem to have found my way back after viewing those pictures.
I believe that maybe I should just carry a picture of me around so anytime I feel like over indulging I should pull out that picture first. Might help
But for now, I am back and hoping for a few weeks of weight loss.
I said that I would post before and after pictures, but I think that I am too ashamed to post the before. But also I can see why people didn't see my weight loss in the beginning. It was hard to see that I had lost weight, I did a good job hiding the weight. But still you can't hide it all.
It is kind of like driving by an accident, you don't want to look, but you just can't help it.
It helped me though. I have been having some difficulty in recent motivation. I have been semi okay with the status quo, but after seeing the pictures I definitely do not want to be there again. It seems to me I lost my way for a few weeks, but I seem to have found my way back after viewing those pictures.
I believe that maybe I should just carry a picture of me around so anytime I feel like over indulging I should pull out that picture first. Might help
But for now, I am back and hoping for a few weeks of weight loss.
Day 418 - Sunday - All Quiet on the Western Front
Well as quiet as can be with two old foggeys and one pup and old dog. I decided to wear my new bra just to see how it felt, and well other than I can't see my feet all is well.
T is feeling a bit out of control, I can't really tell if she is tired of the pup or not, but she definitely is having fun occasionally. But there is a whole lot more growling going on in this here household then there use to be.
I let the dogs go running out ahead of me, and I follow at human pace behind, so by the time I got to the bottom of the step T had the pups whole head in her mouth. I started saying gentle gentle I could see her getting startled and biting the pups head of. Not a pleasant sight. Yes I have been watching to much Bones.
Looking forward to TB being housebroken so I don't have to spend every minute of every day watching her.
T is feeling a bit out of control, I can't really tell if she is tired of the pup or not, but she definitely is having fun occasionally. But there is a whole lot more growling going on in this here household then there use to be.
I let the dogs go running out ahead of me, and I follow at human pace behind, so by the time I got to the bottom of the step T had the pups whole head in her mouth. I started saying gentle gentle I could see her getting startled and biting the pups head of. Not a pleasant sight. Yes I have been watching to much Bones.
Looking forward to TB being housebroken so I don't have to spend every minute of every day watching her.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Day 416 - Friday - I am just so tired
I am at the end of my energy, I got up and swam - hard - came home and watched the puppy. I want her to feel happy that this is her home so I spent a lot of time playing with her and pulling my leg out of her mouth, but T seems to be accepting her more, and the little one does adore the big one so as long as T doesn't get mad at her and bite her head off (literally) I think all will be good.
But I completely collapsed at about 6 pm could hardly keep my eyes open and couldn't wait for TH to come home so I could have a break. How do people have children? I didn't even get to fully enjoy T2's last day here.
I need to be a bit younger.
But I completely collapsed at about 6 pm could hardly keep my eyes open and couldn't wait for TH to come home so I could have a break. How do people have children? I didn't even get to fully enjoy T2's last day here.
I need to be a bit younger.
Day 415 - Thursday - Yikes I am bald
So in my shame of being heavy I have been not going to a hairdresser (like it will do any good) so when my hair got really bad I would have K or T2 trim it up for me. But this diet has taken my hair which when I started was in the middle of my back to almost shoulder length hair, yes it has broken off and shed that much.
So T2 got an appointment with the King of Hairdressers, and I was to allow him to do anything he wanted with my hair, no matter how short he wanted to do it. T2 told me I would have to let him shave it if it came to that. Hmmph, I don't think I would have let him do that, but yes it is short. I have taken to wearing scarves since my poor neck now gets very very cold.
But as I saw the hair flying around my feet, I started to wonder is there anything left? I had this image of my dad famous pixie cut he gave me when I was in India, and how I had to wear a scarf on my head for close to four months. He had cut it so short nobody could have fixed it even if there was someone around to fix it.
So I went through the normal feelings of lose, but in the end I think it turned out okay.
So T2 got an appointment with the King of Hairdressers, and I was to allow him to do anything he wanted with my hair, no matter how short he wanted to do it. T2 told me I would have to let him shave it if it came to that. Hmmph, I don't think I would have let him do that, but yes it is short. I have taken to wearing scarves since my poor neck now gets very very cold.
But as I saw the hair flying around my feet, I started to wonder is there anything left? I had this image of my dad famous pixie cut he gave me when I was in India, and how I had to wear a scarf on my head for close to four months. He had cut it so short nobody could have fixed it even if there was someone around to fix it.
So I went through the normal feelings of lose, but in the end I think it turned out okay.
Day 414 - Wednesday - Busy day in the SM household
So I had I busy day planned, starting with an early morning swim with LZ. I was very excited to have T2 come and see me swim, and she was there that first day that I got in the water oh 2.5 months ago. Wow only two and a half months - really?
But I always know that T2 will always get the scoop for me. I sometimes feel I am spinning my wheels, but if LZ says I am improving I guess that is good for me.
When we got back from swimming, T2 took off and I played happily with the new pup, but I have to say she is very tiring, and then when T2 got back we went shopping.
I wasn't quite ready to go shopping, but T2 gently pushed me out the door as I was saying, but I can't leave the pup. I haven't been to a real store to shop since - well since 1993, so I was sure I was going to get the evil eye like do really think there are any clothes that will fit you here?
And it did happen, but opposite of what I expected. we got to the "plus" size department and the lady came up to us and gently tried to push us out. When I said I was shopping for me, she said well you hide it well in those clothes. So what have I been doing for the last twenty years? Trying to hide my fat of course, so of course I hide it well.
So when I was trying the clothes on the sales lady looked at me and said I am going to get you a bra fitting. Say what? I wear sports bras, I don't even know my size, so I ignored her, until she badgered me enough so I relented.
The woman (or should I say girl) who came in was probably no older then 17 and she said something along the lines of lifting my ladies. Excuse me - my ladies??? I never thought of myself in the plural maybe this is some reverse psychotic break? Do I have a head growing out of my chest? I mean really my ladies? But I did end up buying some clothes for "my ladies" enough said.
But I always know that T2 will always get the scoop for me. I sometimes feel I am spinning my wheels, but if LZ says I am improving I guess that is good for me.
When we got back from swimming, T2 took off and I played happily with the new pup, but I have to say she is very tiring, and then when T2 got back we went shopping.
I wasn't quite ready to go shopping, but T2 gently pushed me out the door as I was saying, but I can't leave the pup. I haven't been to a real store to shop since - well since 1993, so I was sure I was going to get the evil eye like do really think there are any clothes that will fit you here?
And it did happen, but opposite of what I expected. we got to the "plus" size department and the lady came up to us and gently tried to push us out. When I said I was shopping for me, she said well you hide it well in those clothes. So what have I been doing for the last twenty years? Trying to hide my fat of course, so of course I hide it well.
So when I was trying the clothes on the sales lady looked at me and said I am going to get you a bra fitting. Say what? I wear sports bras, I don't even know my size, so I ignored her, until she badgered me enough so I relented.
The woman (or should I say girl) who came in was probably no older then 17 and she said something along the lines of lifting my ladies. Excuse me - my ladies??? I never thought of myself in the plural maybe this is some reverse psychotic break? Do I have a head growing out of my chest? I mean really my ladies? But I did end up buying some clothes for "my ladies" enough said.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Day 412 - Sunday November 27 - Only one more day
So now we make our way back to the house and I say a teary goodbye to T1, Big D and Little N. But I knew I was going to see T1 and Little N the next day, but even more importantly I was going to meet the newest member of the family - Baby T, hmm Puppy T? Anyway I didn't think the day was going to get here fast enough, and the diet just wasn't that important. Tomorrow was the day!!!
Day 411 - Saturday - I am thinking of...
I am so far behind, and it probably is the best time to blog since I have a serious problem about staying within my allotted calories. Saturday I was still eating thanksgiving food, and I saw no real end to it. I did try to exercise, but when I got in the pool it was 95 degrees, a bit hot to swim in, but it was relaxing. So not only did I not exercise, I did not cut back on my food. In fact I even had steak. Lets go wild wouldn't you say.
So I found myself saying the tomorrow game. Tomorrow I will be better. Hummph. A week later I am still saying it. Yikes - when is tomorrow going to come?
So I found myself saying the tomorrow game. Tomorrow I will be better. Hummph. A week later I am still saying it. Yikes - when is tomorrow going to come?
Day 410 - Friday - Day after Thanksgiving
So the day after thanksgiving we went to the Christmas fair. I remember last year it was difficult because all the food looked good and I couldn't eat any of it. This year it wasn't so bad because I was still stuffed from yesterday. Did I do good? Well I didn't do "bad" but I definitely went over my calorie allotment.
To make up for it I did swim, which made me feel like I could eat a little extra, which I did, so I ended up eating more then I should have on Friday as well.
But the scale didn't change so I thought I had made it through the hump of this eating holiday. Or not.
To make up for it I did swim, which made me feel like I could eat a little extra, which I did, so I ended up eating more then I should have on Friday as well.
But the scale didn't change so I thought I had made it through the hump of this eating holiday. Or not.
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