Day 232 - Back to addiction

I am not a doctor or a scientist, but I keep going back to this food addiction thing.  I do not believe one can be a food addict, but I think the same principles apply with overeating and addiction.  I have thought about it and this is the conclusion I have come up with.

It isn't the addiction that people have problems with it is the habit.  When I quit smoking, the physical addiction/withdrawals were over much quicker then my desire to have a cigarette.  There were times during the day that it was harder then others and the cigarette right after a meal was the best.  I really missed those cigarettes, and I think sometimes I kept eating because of it.

I did not give up one addiction for another I gave up one habit for another.  I think ( I have never been, but it seems logical) that AA and other support groups for addictions focus on the habit, because for many of these people once the drug is out of the system the addiction is gone.  And that is what overeating is - a bad habit.

Anyone who has beaten an addiction knows how hard it is to break the habit, and that is why falling off the wagon is "not okay".    For addicts it might be that one drink/drug/drag will make you addicted again - I really don't know- but it is the habit - so easy to fall back into, because it feels good, that is the danger - in my opinion.

I don't know if having one cigarette would have made me addicted again, but I didn't trust myself to have that one cigarette to find out.  Mainly because I didn't think I would stop at just one (I mean really if I have one cigarette why not two?)

So for now I keep my calories between 1200-1400, no exception, not because I am afraid not losing weight, but because it would be so easy to have a half dozen donuts today, and tomorrow...

Day 231 - Or 33 weeks

So I have been doing this now for 33 weeks.  I have never dieted this long before.  Then again I never had to lose this much weight before.

So this is a week that I eat out twice, and I am not going to have my food delivered over the weekend.  It is going to be very challenging, and I can only hope that I can do myself proud.

Yesterday though I went biking.  Well I should rephrase that, I got on the bike and rode it up and down in a parking lot.  I swear we didn't ride more then 10 minutes, but I was pooped, and felt like I had ridden 100 miles.

It was rather comical I am sure if you were an outsider watching TH and me go about it.  Luckily we didn't have any bystanders.  First off I couldn't get on the bike.  I forgot how to, so I had to put the bike on the ground and step over, but then it was a bit awkward trying to get the bike up.  Then I was afraid to sit on the seat, I didn't know if I could still balance the bike.  So I decided that I wouldn't put my feet in the stirrups (as if I was coordinated enough to do that) but just go for it.  I had visions of me falling and breaking my leg, but that didn't happen.  So when I kicked off I was like I am going to fall I am going to fall.

I didn't fall.  I even put my feet in the stirrups.  Then my poor butt got sore.  not more then a minute and I had a sore  butt.  I changed the gears a few times, rode around the parking lot a few times, then checked to see where TH was.

He was standing over his bike cursing up a blue streak.  I wasn't really sure I wanted to go over there and see what it was all about.  I was sure it wasn't something I could help with.  But like a good wife I eventually went over to see what the problem was.

So when I got off the bike I swung my leg over, thinking this isn't too hard, only - well my pants got caught on the seat and well it was a lot harder getting off then getting on.  Before we had left I had sweat pants on that hung to the ground and I knew was not going to work, so I went searching for something else.  I found leggings, and they were tight around the ankle, and thought that these were perfect - in fact I probably wouldn't have to buy any other pants for a while.  They were perfect except the top of the pants were a tad loose which is why they got caught on the seat and came off when I got off, like I said no one there to see us so all was good.

TH  had gotten new gears and he wanted to know how they worked so he was trying to change the gears while spinning the tire rather then getting on the bike and trying it that way.  I agreed to help him and I spun the tire, watched as the chain went from gear to gear and then back to the original gear, only to hear him cursing in my ear that it wasn't working.  I know better then to tell him otherwise, but I was surprised that he didn't see it.  I gently tried to tell him the gears were working, but he made me spin the tire for another five minutes, finally giving up wondering if he got ripped off.

Oh this is getting to long.  Maybe I will finish it tomorrow.  Or maybe TH will finish it for me.

Day 230 - New Goal

Well I hit my bike goal, so I had a new goal in mind, but then I realized that goal had nothing to do with my life except it was an even number, so I came up with a new goal.

In 2004 I went to Jenny Craig in desperation.  I was out of control (like when am I not?) and I desperately wanted to lose weight.  They did the intake and I got on the scale and started crying like a baby when I saw how much I weighed.  I couldn't believe that I could weigh so much and I was inconsolable.  I think at the time they were wondering if maybe I was a crazy person, but I did eventually stop crying.

That was 16 pounds from where I am at now.  I am sure if I got on the scale tomorrow and weighed that I would be jumping for joy not crying like a baby,  it is amazing what 17 years can bring about.  I did lose weight on Jenny Craig, but I wasn't as dedicated to that program as I am to this.

After I had lost the initial 20 pounds on Jenny Craig, after I would go and weigh in at Jenny Craig, get my food, I would go across the street to the grocery store and buy 6 donuts to celebrate my weekly weight loss.  And that is all I would do to go off the diet in the beginning.  I would eat those six donuts and the next day I would be right back on the diet.  Every week I would lose a pound or two, but after a couple of months those weekly donuts started to add up to biweekly donuts.  Then my counselor got fired, so I just quit the program.  I had lost 43 pounds and I was swimming and walking and exercising, but then I didn't have Jenny Craig, and I didn't have free time, so the weight started to come back ... I never really dieted after that until October 12, 2010 when this blog did start...But the truth is in the pudding, you really can't have lapses and think you will have long term weight loss.  So there.

Day 229 - Relief

I have been scurrying around trying to get a bunch of financials done before the 31st, so yesterday I finished the last one.  The hardest part of finishing a project is completing it.

You find this true in about every industry, work really hard and get 90% done, and then there is this big sense of relief and it doesn't feel as pressing anymore.  Some people naturally can complete a project, but I think most let the last 10% drag on.  When you are up against a deadline though (as many tax professionals know) you have to complete that last 10%.  Mandatory, no ifs and or buts.

The same seems to be true with weight loss.  Many people in our group have lost all but the last 10 or 20 pounds.  They look good, they feel good, but it seems really hard to complete it.  Maybe their goals were not right, maybe it is just difficult to lose that last 10/20 pounds, maybe they don't need to lose that last 10/20 pounds.  Who knows, but out of a group of 40 only 2 people have said that they have made goal weight and don't want to lose any more weight.

This is what I worry about, but I am afraid that it isn't going to be the last 10 or 20 pounds, but what if I stop losing now?  What if I get complaisant now?  What if I give up now?  What if my body won't lose any more weight now?

Now that I don't have to worry about the financials, I can worry about my weight loss again.  

Day 228 - What to write?

I drove home from taking big D to a fall's class (that is falling down, not fall foliage) and thought about what I was going to share that day with the world.  During the hour drive I wrote this elaborate post, very interesting and insightful, and was ready to write it down the minute I got home, but...well I already wrote it and it seemed like a waste of time rewriting it on paper.

That happens to me a lot.  I will think of a story and write it out in my head, but when it comes time to put it to paper I am bored with the idea and I just can't get it to work.

Maybe I should realize that if I am bored with the idea, then it must not have been that great of an idea.  Searching for fresh and interesting ideas are always hard.  Some books I have read I have kept with me for years, and I am always going back over the ideas, so I know that it is possible to have ideas that are long-lasting.  They just don't come from me.

So the more spontaneous I am the more I will write.  I guess it is the readers who suffer the spontaneous, but at least it gets written.

Day 227 - Trapped

Well in group I discovered that there are some people in the new/old group that I just don't like.  We had to break up into group of 3-5 and talk about how we achieved our goals last week.  Since I hadn't made any goals I either a.  didn't achieve it, or b. achieved it by default.  But that didn't leave much to talk about.  And the guy who was in our group was a pompous A.

When we got back together he told a story about being at the grocery store and see a very obese woman and being totally grossed out.  He mentally asked himself why she didn't do something about it.  Here is a guy who has gone through this program, and knows how hard it is to lose, and can ask that question even for a moment?

The group gave him cud o's because he realized that he wasn't being compassionate.  So the cycle continues.  And for those of us who are trying to lose weight, and realize the struggle we all have been through, we can't break that  thought process so ingrained into our society.  Fat people are just worth less.  They are weak and they are stupid.    

Day 226 - Weight loss

Well for all the soup I ate, I don't seem to have gained weight.  I just didn't get to eat all that much other food, and on Saturday night I had the soup and then I had a bowl of fruit and I was so full that I hurt.  First time for that in a long time.

So I ate too much at once, that is why I don't think that I quite ready for prime time.  It is going to continue to be a constant battle but I have to stay on the course.  I fear the weight coming back and I fear being out of control.

I know that it would be so easy to give it all up, all for a pint of ice cream.  But afterwards then what?  How long would that pint of ice cream sustain me?  Oh well it is like taking it a day at a time.

I know I have talked about not going off the plan - only eating the allotted calories, and how the facilitators say it is okay to go off as long as you get back on.  But other programs for addictions (AA, GA etc...) don't allow for going off.  I know that overeating is not an "addiction" but the same thought process should apply.  We are changing habits and trying to find a new way to live, so why would lapses be okay?  If some of the people in group truly believe that they are food addicts, then they should treat the program as seriously as an addict would treat their program with lapses not okay.  Right? Right.

Day 225 - Still eating that chicken soup

So I say with a heavy heart, my love for thai chicken soup far outweighs my love to lose weight.  I have instructed the chef of the house that he is never to make that soup again (well at least not when I am trying to lose weight.)

The food that I have been receiving is sometimes good and sometimes not so good, but I haven't had anything yet that I needed more of.  However, with that said, I don't get more of the food so I guess I don't have a true test.  Now if they gave me a whole cheesecake would I cut it up and eat it a piece a day?  I now think I wouldn't.  I think it would taste so good I would gobble it up all at once.

Eight months does not change a life time of habits, so I have to be careful in what I choose to eat when I eat outside TFD.

The soup is gone so I should be able to go back to the program food, let us hope it didn't do any damage.

Day 224 - Thai Chicken soup

Well the day finally came when I couldn't stop eating.  TH made my favorite soup, and I asked him to make it with low cal coconut milk, but still it was so good I didn't stop when I was suppose to.  Granted I did give up my dinner for it, but that wasn't enough.  Now we are going to have it for lunch - argh!!!

So another item goes on my list with ice cream, cake and cookies.  No control at all.  I felt like I was right back were I started eight months ago.  At least I didn't eat the cookies and chips.

I don't have a scale here so I don't know what kind of damage that did, but I am sure that I am going to be in a world of hurt next Tuesday.  Maybe if I fast for the next two days?

Well after D, N and R leave I will try and swim some of it off. 

Day 223 - Ravenous

Yesterday was a bad day.  I just wanted to eat and eat.  My mind kept tricking me into thinking I didn't care about losing any more weight.  I had a salad left over from my lunch with H and I ate that and my regular salad, thank god they didn't give me enough dressing to cover the leaves.  If the dressing was clothes I would have been substantially naked.

So I ended up having an extra bar (Optifast) and ended up exercising for 65 minutes to get that extra 160 calories out of my system.  But I kept walking to the fridge hoping something would magically appear that I could eat and not feel guilty about.  Like ice cream with no calories. Now that I bought new clothes (that don't quite fit) I am trying to get it so they won't ever fit I guess.

Well I still have one more pound to lose before I will get on a bike.  Then comes the hard part.  I think I was at this weight for many years, so I think it is going to be really hard to get my body to give up this weight.  I told TH that I was going to do the program again in January if I hadn't lost 40 pounds in the next 7.5 months.  But I really want to have Christmas and eat this year.  I think I missed the food the most at Christmas.

I want a treat, maybe I should do something more interesting then play Garden of Time.

Day 222 - Casino

Well Big D and I went to the casino on Thursday to win a million bucks.  I did not win.  Big D did not win.  However, I could have won if I hadn't been so dang stubborn.  I had a winning machine and I played it until it was a losing machine than I played it hoping it would come back as a winning machine, but alas that never happened. 

I think that they sucker you into it by giving you really big payoffs in the beginning so you will throw your money back in in hopes of bigger payoffs.  Those bigger payoffs never happen.  Most of the machines I walked away from once I was back at my original starting dollar, but like I said there were a couple I kept playing - hoping - to get a new kitchen out of it. 

Maybe next time.

Day 221 - Group night

We had a rather large gathering of people in our group night on Tuesday.  We were suppose to split up into two groups, one that was maintenance and one that was still losing weight.  So our group all gathered around the weight loss table expecting the other group to go to maintenance.  Then the first one from group 1 came in and I realized that I wasn't the one that had the most to lose anymore.  Good for me - right?

She didn't want to sit with us so she sat at the maintenance table, then as everyone else came in they all tried to join our table, but we had no more room, so a few ended up at maintenance.  When all was said and done only two people were maintenance the rest were weight loss (some had 10 pounds others much much more.)

The facilitator didn't quite have a handle on the group and it eventually ended up a free for all.  I know that she is trying to be organized, but she just doesn't have that skill set.  Before it didn't matter much, but now until the group gets smaller, she really needs to gain some control. 

We have a year left they have thirty weeks left.  They are twenty weeks ahead of us, and as we were getting in the elevator they sat grumbling about us.  I kind of felt like we were on survivor and they were going to kick one of us out of the tribe.  I hope I am not the first to go.

Day 220 - Lunch out

Well I had the lunch all planned today, but things never go as planned.  I have absolutely no idea how many calories I ate today, even though I tried very very hard.

H told me that he thought that this was the best food in the city, and he wanted me to taste authentic food.  I told him I was in his hands and prayed that it wouldn't be to caloric.

So we went in and the first thing they did was offer a booth.  I hate it when we have to sit in a booth, I never quite fit, so I always try and get a table, but I am not assertive enough to ask them to give us a table when the other person asks for a booth, so I went to the booth.

I eyed the booth with trepidation wondering if I would be able to push the table out a little, how I was going to position myself into it and all of that stuff.  So I was very surprised when there was more then enough room in the booth.  Hmm, must be bigger then the other booths I have been sitting at.

H ordered a massive amount of food, and I tasted everything, but I didn't have huge amount.  The whole time he kept apologizing for me not liking the food.  I finally told him that I was on a special diet and I had eaten all I could, but I really loved the food.   When we left he promised to take me somewhere I would like.  Really?  I feel guilty about what I did eat, so I am thinking that maybe there won't be a next time.

Oh well, I guess some people do watch what you eat.  

Day 219 - Walk in the park

TH and I decided to do a walk instead of a bike ride, so we decided to go to Coyote Point (where we were going to ride our bikes) and walk instead of ride.  The walk was marvelous, it was overcast, but not too cold and the wind was hardly blowing, and my bio rhythms were up.

I felt good!!!  So initially I thought an hour (half out half back) but I was feeling so good I changed my mind to forty-five minutes out and back.  However, I guess TH didn't want to do that.

To me TH is and has always been the little engine that could.  He is one of those people that can be in perpetual motion, even in the worst of shape he is in better shape then most.  When I was walking everyday training for the MS walk, he could come with me at any time and keep pace and even surpass me.  We walked twelve miles together and he is the one pushing me on when I thought my feet were going to fall off.  That is just who he is.

So when he said he wanted to turn around I didn't believe him.  He always up for just a little more so I left him behind, expecting that he would follow, but he didn't.  When we finally caught up with him he was a bit of a sourpuss, but I forgive him.  I realize now that sometimes you just have to be in the mood.  I know when I am having an off day I won't even go out, so he once again got further than I would have.

Day 218 - Walk with J

It is funny when you walk with someone it goes much easier.  So we were talking about the program and the people and I had told her that they wouldn't let me stay on the product because - I thought -  they wanted my results.  She told me that they should have been more interested in my results then the results of the project.  Which is true.

I don't know now if I would be able to do the optifast again, and I am feeling frustrated with again a no weight lose week.

It has been four weeks since I lost a pound (I have been losing a tenth or quarter pound) and I am not cheating, I am exercising and I am doing everything I am suppose to do.  The frustration is really mounting.  I keep hoping I am going to wake up one morning and be 5 pounds down.  Calories in - Calories out.  Right?  Well, it isn't working that way.

Oh well I will keep on plugging

Day 213 - Group

For whatever reason this was eaten.  I wrote a big long blog about the trials and tribulations of the merged groups.  Imagine it.

Day 217 - Picture

T2 sent pictures of our time in Big Sur,  most annoying was the shots of my back with huge rolls of fat.  How can anyone stand to look at me?  It brought home enough for me to realize that I am far from done.

However, even though I still look huge, I most notably notice chairs.  My ability to sit in chairs and not worry about whether they will fit or not.  Finally.  We went to the theater, and for the first time in years I fit comfortably in the chair.  It was a wonderful feeling, and I don't ever want to have to worry about sitting in a chair ever again.  

So I now realize that people still see me as large even though I wasn't feeling really large.  I was feeling more confident.  I even started to think that people weren't judging me for my weight anymore - Oh well it is good to have a reality check every now and then.  I don't know how much more weight I will have to lose to get to that point, but it isn't happening now.

Day 216 - Day at the Beach

T1, T and N all did a walk on Ocean Beach.  The beach was clear and beautiful and the walk was like walking in heaven.  I didn't get to park in my usual spot as the City is getting ready for Bay to Breakers, but I guess it is always good to change things up every now and then.

It was fun watching N enjoying the outing and the big outdoors, not realizing just how big the outdoors were.  I thought that she would be nervous about the ocean, but she took to it like a fish to water.  Both T and WM both had initial fear of the ocean, T got over it WM never has.

I used to torture WM by hooking her up with T ( a double lead) and watching as T dragged her literally kicking and screaming to the water edge.  TH would scold me and unhook them and when he wasn't looking I would rehook them up again.  I am so evil.

But N is a water dog, and I wouldn't want her to learn to swim in the ocean, I think that she is going to love swimming in our pool in GV.  I can't wait to teach her.  Another swimmer in the S extended family !!!

Day 215 - Exercise

I haven't been as obsessive as some of the other people in group about exercising, but I haven't been a total slacker.  I have been exercising about three days a week and some days it is easier then others.

Yesterday was more difficult,  my head just wasn't into the exercise and it seemed like a really long 50 minutes, even watching La Femme Nikita.  Furthermore, I got tired, but I couldn't get my heart rate much above 90 and that was annoying since I found the whole exercise rather tiring.  But then I didn't sweat as much either.  Tired but not stinky - Yay?

So I probably will not get off this plateau unless I exercise more, and T is looking a bit chunky, so I will try.  I was looking at some more challenging walks (other then flat) and I am okay with going up hill, I just find it hard coming down.  I am nervous about my ankle, though I think it is totally healed, that I will easily break it again.  With T pulling me down I often lose my balance, and I have fallen twice since the break.  Neither fall hurt, but...maybe I will get her a pinch collar.

Oh well, still on that plateau.

Day 214 - Lost in the ozone

It appears that the blog has lost my last blog and all the comments that dear TH made.  Bummer.  I finally wrote an interesting blog and now no one is going to be able to read it.

Yesterday was a really bad day for me.  I was ravenous all day long.  I could not sate my appetite and I never stopped wanting to eat.  I thought going to Cats would make the evening easier, but when I got home I went straight to the fridge and pulled out the fruit.  It was horrible.  I was completely out of control.

Today was a bit easier, but they mixed my food up with someone else's food so I wasn't wild about what I was eating, but you do what you have to do.

Furthermore, I am still on this dang plateau.  I really didn't think it would hit until I hit the bike weight, but these last 5 pounds have taken almost two months to come off, and that is very very depressing.  I don't know how I am going to manage at this slow pace.  I am feeling depressed and I am starting to feel that I am never going to get this weight off.  I am not in a good place, and if I don't come off this pretty soon I just don't know...

Day 212 - Graduation

After 32 weeks we are starting the "maintenance phase" of the program.  So we are suppose to join the first group and spend the next 30 weeks with them and then we will be merged with another group as group one completes the program.

So we have a year left.  I will be interested to see how the first group is doing now that they have been on this phase for 20 weeks.  Are they keeping it off?  Are they coming more often?  Will I continue to lose weight?  Who knows.

Some observations during my dinner at restaurants.  I found that I was not hungering for food as much as I thought I would.  The choices were easier then I thought, and the first meal out, the portion sizes were perfect.  I did not want to go "off" the diet, I was just trying to eat what I thought would be acceptable.  The food the first day was very rich, so I assume very caloric, but again, the portions were small enough that it was an acceptable risk.

The second night out was a hamburger, and though I did not doctor it up, the meat was a bit greasy, so I have a feeling it wasn't a lean piece of meat.  But still I exercised restraint, and I feel good about the weekend.   So tonight I do Indian, then next week Chinese and then just TFD until Little T comes to visit.  Yea!!!

Day 211 - Final catch up day

So this will catch me up.  I did stay on the diet during this whole trip and happy excursions.  More details later.

Day 210 - Home again

I drove straight through, didn't stop for nothing.  I was very hungry when I finally walked in the door.  Food was good I was tired.

Day 209 - Still at Big Sur

Went to Point Lobos and drove around seeing the coast.  Sat in our beautiful house and enjoyed the most beautiful coast in the world.  Had dinner at a great restaurant - second day out.  No problems.

Day 208 - Travels to Big Sur

We left early in the morning and had a nice leisurely drive to Big Sur.  We stopped for yummy cherries and I drove the most spectacular coast in the world.

I had my first "dinner out" and it went smoothly the food was delicious and the services was superb.

Day 207 - boy am I behind

Tick tock how time flies.  Trying to catch up is going to be hard - if only I can remember everything.  T2 came in today and we had a relaxing chat before our big day tomorrow.  We are going to Big Sur for Big D's 85th!!!  Maybe pictures.

Day 206 - Either everyone is crazy or I am lazy

So we are doing a new thing in group now.  We have to do a sign in sheet that lists how much fruit and veggies you eat (average) how much protein, whether your maintaining, gaining or losing, and how much you exercised for the week.

I was the lowest of everyone - only exercising for a 180 minutes - the next lowest was 240 and everyone else was doing like 500+ minutes.  Seriously?  People are working out seven days a week over an hour a day?    When I was training in swimming I was doing 540 - 640 minutes a week, but that was morning and evening turnout three times a week and swimming six days a week.  That is a lot of exercise people.

When I was walking (training) for the MS walk I did have some heavy weeks (over 500 hours) but that was with 2-3 hour walks.  And I wasn't working.

So TH thinks I am a bit jaded, but I know how much work it is to just do that walking (not aerobic) so doing that much exercise aerobic seems a little out there.    But I figure if they can do it I can too.  Does walking up and down the stairs at the house count?

Day 205 - Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle

TH is going to get our bikes all tuned up and in just a couple of weeks (maybe three) I plan to be riding.  I went back to my log and the two weeks that I lost six pounds I saw that I exercised everyday and I have only exercised three times in the last seven days, so that might be part of the problem.  Exercising is hard when I work because as I have said time and time again, it takes so dang long.

Take today for instance I exercised for 50 minutes, but it took 10 minutes to set up the DVD player, then I couldn't get it to play so it took another 10 minutes to get the player working.  Then I had to take the dog out before I started or she might interrupt me in the middle, so that took 10 minutes - then I had to go to the bathroom and find my exercise shoes another 5 minutes.  So before I even began to exercise I had 35 minutes - then 50 minutes on the ellipitcal, 10 minutes just lying on the bed relaxing, then another 23 minutes to finish up the program I was watching, a 15 minute shower, 10 minutes to find my weigh in clothes 5 minutes to dry my hair, and another 2 minutes to weigh myself on all the scales.  Total time 150 minutes (two and a half hours.)  So I think you can only imagine how long it is if I go for a two hour walk...

That is why I usually do the exercise at night, but then I can't sleep.  Oh the trials and tribulations of weight loss.

Day 204 - I hate pictures

I don't like pictures even when I was thin, I always thought that I was ugly in them and I just didn't like looking at the way I looked.  After I gained the weight, I looked at those old pictures and thought "what were you thinking you didn't look bad" but at the time I just thought I looked horrible.

It is all about the self esteem.  I was never pretty enough - skinny enough - smart enough.  If anyone told me I was pretty, I always - always thought they were making fun of me.  I know my siblings thought that I thought I was pretty, but they be wrong.

So over the last few years I have taken to spending as little time looking in the mirror as humanly possible, but I wish that I had been taking pictures along the way.  I wish I had something to document the loss visually.  However; I don't want to see the pictures we are going to get at graduation, because it will just bring home how much more I have to go and I am getting more comfortable with myself now, but I am afraid seeing the pictures will be a step back.  So I am torn.  I am in lala land right now, maybe it will be good to get that jolt.  Maybe I should do the program again?  Oh who knows.

Day 203 - Plateau

I haven't really been on a plateau, I have had weeks that I didn't lose anything, but then the next week I lost a lot.  But now I have really hit one, and I don't know what to do.  They talked in group about exercising more, but I really don't want to exercise more.  It takes me a long time to just do what I am doing (an hour exercise can take up to three hours) so I don't think I will increase the exercise right now.

Last week I thought I had gained 4 pounds so I pretty much starved myself for the day and exercised like crazy. I completely dehydrated myself all to lose .3 of a pound.  I am not going to do that this week.  The chips will fall were they may.  Blah.

On top of that I find that I am drifting a little.  I am eating fruit and not recording it before hand (as T2 says I am freelancing) and that can be dangerous since I have my calories worked out ahead of time and then I add more calories.  So yesterday I went over my calories for the first time in 7 months.  I was really hungry and I ate a lot of fruit.  My stomach is still hurting, and it just feels like it is eating itself.  I am not sure why I am hungry.  

So today I get back up and do only what I am given and hope the pain goes away.  I really would like to lose the next ten pounds so I can hit my third goal.  It is only ten pound. Pooh.