Day 171 - Group

Group was not very fun.  Without certain people there I really don't enjoy going.    However, I do have a beef.  One of the people there had hip surgery and this was her first day back (she has been gone about 4 weeks) and she came in with another person.  We have to sign in then they call us in order of the sign in.  So she came in on crutches and one of the girls walking with her goes to sign her in, but then she comes over to me and said I gave her your place.

I was like okay hip replacement on crutches trumps broken foot, but I was super annoyed.  It wasn't her place to take.  I would have been more then happy to give the hip replacement girl my spot, but I did not think anyone should just take it without even giving me the courtesy  of asking.  Truth be told I wouldn't have cared if hip replacement girl just got helped first without anyone asking - but having a third party bump me out of line - I know petty.

It is human nature to want to be thanked for ones generosity and to feel appreciated.  But when that generosity is taken away, forced upon the giver, then the giver starts to feel used and begins to feel resentful.  And it becomes a vicious cycle where other people start to believe that they are entitled to others generosity and it can be taken without asking.

Then in group she (the one who took my place - not broken hip girl) said that she was bad this week and still lost two pounds for a total of 77 pounds.  Life just isn't fair.

Day 170 - The sun the sun

We have sunshine we have sunshine woohoo woohoo!!!  It looks like we will have nice weather for a while.  When the sun is out in the City it is the most beautiful city in the world.  Well one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

I have been thinking that it is going to be hard to write about dieting for another 400+ days.  I believe that at some point that it isn't going to be on my mind anymore and then what...?  We have "graduation" on May 10th and then I guess it is going to be weigh in and???

So cohort one group still gets weighed every week and  there are about 6 or 7 that are still going to it.  We have about 14 people who are coming to ours, but we haven't even finished the program yet.  I have a feeling that we are not going to have all that many when all is said and done.  I know again with the worry - oh well I can always do it again right?

Day 169 - Only 405 more days to go

The whole program is 82 weeks.  The last 52 weeks is suppose to help with maintenance, but I will be losing for the next 52 weeks (I hope) so the whole thing is a year and seven month weight loss journey for me.  I have been fairly lucky up to now that I haven't had any major plateaus  - a couple bad weeks, but still always lost (except for that first week.)  So it looks like this is going to be the first time in 24 weeks I will have an actual set-back.  Who know maybe tomorrow I will wake up and have lost seven pounds, but I doubt it.  As I had said in an earlier blog this is a set point for me and it is going to take some time to get off this weight I think, but I am hoping that once I do it will be easy going for awhile.

I haven't cheated or gone off the diet, but I have been eating more fruit.  Keeping within the allowed calories, but I think maybe I have to cut out the supplementing of the fruit, at least for a few weeks, and just eat what they give me.  If I find that after I do that I start losing again then maybe I was putting the fruit in wrong.  I know weight watchers pretty much lets you eat as much fruit and vegetables as you want, but they still have calories.

I am much hungrier on this part of the diet then I was on the all liquid.  I also have not been able to exercise since I started on "real" food.  It is a shame that I broke my foot at this time probably when I need the distraction of exercise the most -

Well only tomorrow will tell. 

Day 168 - Again with the weight gain.

I am trying to figure out what it is that is keeping me from losing weight.  I am a little depressed today, I wanted to lose at least five pounds when the cast came off, and I found I didn't lose anything.  How can the cast not weigh anything unless I gained weight.  So very depressing.

We were suppose to go for a walk today, I am not sure where we are going, but wherever it is it will be better then sitting at home.  That is all I have done for the last six weeks.  It gets kind of lonely here by myself with no one to talk to, but I guess it will all work out in the end.  It is now 9:30 so I am sure we won't go for a walk today, but maybe later - I am thinking of just going to a movie all by myself.  I am going to a client tomorrow, my first time driving since the cast, I think I will take the big car - just in case...

Oh well.

Update - We did go for a walk and what hurt was my knee.  My foot is a little sore right now, but we made progress!!!!

day 167 - I am molting

I took my boot off yesterday and my leg had so much dandruff that I had to vacuum it up.  A little pile of dead skin, pretty gross if you ask me.  I have been religiously putting lotion on, but that just isn't helping.  And itches - boy does my leg itch now.  I have been like a dog when you scratch their belly - I think that is how it feels when I scratch my leg - so good.

So the pain level with the boot is zero, but without the boot I have occasional twinges of pain, I worry mostly that I am going to pull the bone apart, but the doctor said that is not going to happen at this time.  I am really confused why I can't do more, if the bone is set what is it going to hurt?  I am not going to be pulling any ligaments, I just don't get it.

I made a commitment to walk nine miles this week - but I don't think that is going to happen.  It stormed and now it looks like we might have blue sky and I am feeling a bit lazy.  We will see what happens.  I would have to put on a walking shoe on my other foot and I don't really feel like doing that either.  And on top of that I don't know if I can control the 100 pound dog without both my feet, and if I walk the dog walks with me.

I did buy a new pair of shoes, I bought them for the name Fairhaven.  I am guessing that these are going to be the perfect pair of shoes, but I couldn't get it on my foot to see if it fits.  Oh well.  Does Z have a time limit on returns?

Day 165 - Resting Metabolic Rate

I went in and had my resting metabolic rate done and I have to say I was a bit disheartened.  My RMR was 1500 which means if I wanted to lose two pounds a week (which is normal) I would have to eat 500 calories a day (you have to eat a deficit of 3500 calories to lose a pound so to lose one pound I would have to eat 500 calories a day less or to lose two pounds I would have to eat 1000 calories a day less.)

Now their is no way that I can possible only eat 500 calories a day.  It just isn't going to happen, so then I have to do exercise to compensate for the calories I can't cut so I would have to do 700 calories of exercise a day to make up for the food I can't cut.  It is very hard to do 700 calories worth of exercise a day.

The worst part of the test was that I had to hold this thing in my mouth and my lips were holding it and I found that my lips aren't that strong.  By the end of the 10 minutes the mouth piece was bobbing and it almost fell out of my mouth once.  A new torture package fer shur.

However, I have been doing the Mufflin to calculate my weight loss and I have it is much closer to what I have been losing.  So it just goes to show that maybe machines aren't as accurate as one would expect them to be.

Well off to work I go - they tell me if I fidgety  that will increase weight lose so I am going to fidget away.

Day 164 - The cast is off!! On to the boot

I got the casts off yesterday and my foot is definitely sore.  I was surprised since it didn't hurt at all in the cast.  It was also swollen my foot was shedding and my legs looked like an ape leg.  But other then that it was fine.

I also don't know how to walk without a limp anymore.  when I took the boot off I still limped around even though I wasn't in "limping pain."  Just second nature I guess.  I also found that I couldn't flex my foot.  It was stuck in the cast position, so that could also be part of the limp.  Two weeks with the walking boot and then that can come off and I can exercise.  But she did say I could walk as much as I wanted (with the boot on which is awkward since it is four inches taller then my tallest shoe.)

So I am going to walk anyway - as soon as it stops raining.  Which may not happen until 2012 - June 6.  Just a prediction.

Day 163 - I must have been stir crazy

I was so worried about my cab ride, I was like do you think I will have to talk the cabbie?  I really am not a social person and I don't like making small talk, but the minute I got in the cab I talked now stop.  Really.

So the cabbie was from Punjab has 4 children (17, 14, 11 and 6) came over here in 1985 went back to India in 1992 found a wife and came back here.  His Uncle left Punjab sixty years ago and before that they moved to Punjab 1000 years ago.  He started out in  import export, but the company moved to Hong Kong so he got a job at a gas station and now I guess drives a cab.   He has been driving a cab for the last 23 years and he knew where Geary Blvd was and even knew what was there before it was Kaiser.

He pointed out all the different sights around the city and even told me where all the gas stations were and what brand they were (Chevron was on the corner, and that one was private and that one was Texaco.)  I truly enjoyed the ride.

Group was boring - I started to surf the net and was made to pay attention.  Oh well I guess if I am going to act like a three year old I am going to get treated like a three year old.

Oh yea the cast comes off today!!!!    

Day 162 - They didn't bring me my food.

So now I don't know what to eat.  It is kind of disconcerting not to have food ready for the day and not knowing what I am going to eat today.  I guess I will have to figure it out myself.  Maybe I will just eat Optifast.

Tomorrow I am hoping to get the cast off.  I don't know it was a little sore today so maybe it isn't healed?  I have meetings set up for the next couple of weeks now that I have been figuring the cast is coming off, but who knows - maybe they will put it back on for another four weeks.

I just got an email from my doctor telling me she is watching my weight loss and she is happy with the progress and now I need to have a colon screening for colon cancer, I don't think so.  I am not going to have anything done - no way no how.  End of story.

This is not turning out to be such a great day, and I haven't lost any weight this week - boo hiss.

Day 161 - Two more days

It is kind of like a mantra - three more days- two more days -one more day- TIME!!!  But to be truthful I probably wouldn't have been walking this last week anyway.  The rain comes and comes and then we get a little sun then it rains again.  Today it looks like rain again.  It is raining over the ocean right now and soon it will hit us.

I have decided that I no longer have to stay away from hills.  It is time.  We will start with the hills around our house then  - then the stables!!!  But only if my foot can handle the sand.

On a sad note I broke my Kindle.  It was in its case and I just dropped it.  When I did I thought oh it will be okay, but when I opened it - bam the screen was messed up, so I dropped it again to see if that would fix the screen - it didn't.  So I called TH to see if he minded me buying another Kindle and he was like how much is it?

Insert snide comment.

So I normally don't bother about asking - but I wanted to hear you poor baby of course buy whatever you want - I should have called my mom.

Day 160 - ACK!!! I gained two pounds

After all my talk about eating all the time wasn't hurting me I got on the scale today and found I weighed two pounds more then I did on Tuesday.  I immediately weighed myself on all the scales in the house and it was a consensus.   BLAH!!!

I hit my goal Wednesday and I was mentally preparing myself for the next goal counting the weeks before I would hit it and BAM - here I am again.  Just goes to show not to count your chickens before they hatch...or weight before its lost.

To be fair to myself I picked goal weights that were also set points so I know this is going to be hard to come off of.  I probably will have to cut calories and exercise like crazy to break it, but really do I have to eat 960 calories to get off this set point?

I have made a decision - no matter whether or not they put the cast back on I am doing one of the machines.  I can't imagine that it would do any damage at this point in time.  In fact I am seriously considering doing the Elliptical today - I mean it has been almost 6 weeks with the cast and they probably will take it off Wednesday - what is two days going to hurt?

I am a bit tired of having someones butt in my face as I try to do crunches - and I nearly knocked her out yesterday when I was doing the weights - she walked up just when I was bringing my arm down - but I dropped her so many times on her head when she was a puppy what is a 3 pound weight going to do to her that I haven't already done.

Well enough whining ---

Day 159 - Where is the rain?

It was so exciting yesterday with the hail and the thunder.  We are suppose to have thunderstorms today, but nothing so far.

We had a couple tornadoes in the area and everyone said the exact same thing - this isn't Kansas.  I only know one Kansas girl and she - I know- wouldn't say this isn't Kansas.  But it is so much in our culture that everyone knows what that is about.

At group we were talking about exercising when you can't use your feet (there are a few of us who are unable to exercise right now.  Most of those exercises were very funny.  No one takes anything seriously anymore.  Maybe we should run out and chase the tornadoes?  Or just sit on the porch and watch?

Well I bought a movie from Amazon and I am going to go watch it.  I also am waiting at the edge of my seat for the new HBO series Game of Thrones.  The book was delicious - the series can only be great.

Day 158 - Small portions

Yes I am still harping on the portion size of the food that is being delivered.  Today I got scrambled eggs and toast.  The eggs were plentiful, but the toast - well lets just say I couldn't put it in the toaster because I would never find it again.  It would fall through the grate and become part of those pesky crumbs you have to periodically clean out from your toaster (or if you are OCD you would clean it out every day.)  Yes it was about 1/8 the size of a normal piece of bread.  More like a crouton than a piece of bread.

But with all that said - I wouldn't have been able to stick to the food they are giving me 5 months ago.  I had tried over and over to buy those meals and just eat what they sent and I just couldn't.  I would get way to hungry and then I would eat something healthy like oh a couple pieces of toast with butter - or a tortilla or three.

1200 calories isn't very much.  Most of the time when you go to restaurants their main courses are about 800-1200 calories - and that is before appetizers, dessert and drinks.  So five months ago dinner out would normally be about 1500 calories if I was being good, but normally it would probably be about 2000 calories if I got whatever I wanted.  I would come out feeling so full that I hurt.  Now I don't quite get that full, but I have learned to eat more often and so I am not as hungry as I used to get.

That is the biggest change with me is that I eat constantly.  But now it is a cup of fruit or a pickle/cucumber or a optifast bar.   Sometimes I feel that I am eating too much, but the weight still comes off and it appears that I stay within the calorie range so I guess it is right...But still their portion sizes are really really small.

Day 157 - I am a big girl now

T2 asked if I had more energy now that I have lost weight.  Not really.  I am tired right now.  If T hadn't barked as much this morning I might still be asleep cozy in my bed.

However, I don't recall ever lacking energy, but I was not physically fit so moving was hard.  Moving is still hard.  My knee had hurt for so long that babying it became second nature.  Now I don't think my knee hurts, but I still favor it.  I walk up the stairs with the stronger foot pulling me up, but that has been hard since my stronger foot is in a cast.

I thought that I had arthritis in the knee and once I lost the weight I would have to have knee surgery.  But I don't think that is the case anymore.  Some things like getting out of a chair or just standing up are all normal now.

The world wasn't made for people as large as I was.  Still I am very large, but it will accommodate this size better then the size I started out as.  I would have to scope out a restaurant tables to see if I would fit, I worried that an aisle would be to small or I would get two seats in the theater because I spilled over.  I still spill over, but I am not as intrusive so that is the step in the right direction.

I know people still judge me, but you know hey look where I came from.

So all and all yes there are differences and I feel those differences both emotionally and physically.

I still have to fly first class, but hey I may never be able to fit into a coach seat again.

Day 156 - Getting to the meeting was - hard

Well I don't have a car and transportation is a problem, so getting to the meetings is not as easy as one would think.  I had to take a cab yesterday, and I haven't taken a cab by myself since I was what 10?  We used to take cabs or scooters all the time in India to get to swim practice.  It is amazing to me to think that I could hop into one and not worry or think about it.  But now that I look back would I let my ten year old daughter get in a cab by herself in this day and age?   Heck no!!!

But times were different then.  The world was safer - or at least people believed it was.  And it probably is that belief that made it so.  The power of positive thinking?  Or just naive?

But back to my cab ride - it was okay once he got to the house, but he was 15 minutes late and then I got so flustered I couldn't find my keys to lock the door.  I finally found them in my pocket, but I was ready to leave the house without locking the door - I really did get a bit flustered.  I started to call the cab company at 5:45 - and I was put on hold "for the next available" or it just hung up.  I figured that it was raining and they were busy, but I had ordered the cab in a timely fashion.

Then when I gave the address - he asked is that Geary Street or Geary Blvd?  How the heck do I know - is there more then one Geary.  I hazarded a guess and said blvd.  I ended up there so I must have been right.  Then as I was settling in he told me to buckle up.  I never buckle up in the back seat - but I did - but only after asking if he was planning on getting into an accident.  - Oh you never know but in the rain people drive crazy.  Yea buddy.

So that was the excitement for the day.

  

Day 155 - Pill - dreams and no sleep

They facilitator has been harping on us about water, eating organic and sleeping.  Yes I guess studies have shown that lack of sleep actually contributes to weight gain.  So I have been an insomniac for years, long ago I accepted it and didn't worry about it.  I figured if my body needed the sleep it would sleep and if it didn't I wouldn't, so I stopped worrying about it and went with the flow.

So in the last couple of years it got really bad were I would be up to  3-4 am and no matter how tired I was I still couldn't fall asleep at night, so I started to take Advil PM.  It worked like a dream, but I found that it was hard to wake up in the morning, but sleep came and it came fairly quickly - only about an hour - hour and a half and I would be so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open.

So when I started Optifast they said no Advil - so I got regular over the counter sleeping pills and they worked - just as well as the Advil so all was good.

Well I started out taking one - then I found it was taking longer and longer to fall asleep so I upped it to two.  When two stopped working I upped it to three.  I realized a couple of days ago that three wasn't working and I was wide awake at 2 in the  morning, so I decided to just stop taking the pills rather then go to four.

So the last three days I haven't taken anything and I am falling asleep about the same time that I was with the pills - so that I can deal with - I guess.  The thing that is different is the dreams.  Or maybe just remembering the dreams.  I slept harder when I took the pills then I do when I don't so I am dreaming again (or remembering my dreams) and I think that maybe those little pills aren't so bad.  If I have to choose between taking pills and not dreaming about my dog dying and not taking pills and dreaming that my dog died, well I am going to take those little pills... 

Day 154-POPCORN

My loving husband took me to a movie yesterday and I got POPCORN!!!  Woohoo!!!! I love popcorn.  I savored every bite and I ate the whole bag without sharing with T.  Imagine that.    So I know you are wondering if I can have popcorn - of course I can.  I gave up one of snacks and viola - I was well in my calories.

So I have a book that I have been reading since January and I finally finished it and started to read another - and I don't like it so it may be another few months before I can read another book.  I know if I don't like a book I should not read it, but then I just can't start another.  I have come a long way that I can stop reading the book, but I just feel to guilty about not finishing it that I just don't read.  Maybe I will just bite the bullet and finish it.  It is they style I really dislike and it leaves me feeling really cold.

He is writing in third person, but we are only seeing the character, and that character - at least now - is not very likable.  I mean he is a stalker...who wants to read a book were the protagonist is a stalker.  Well I did get another book - Let Me In - it is a vampire tale with a twist.  I saw the movie - it actually is very good - more of a  Film Festival movie - a bit off - dark - but good.

Well today I get oatmeal - so I think I will make it and be off to work.

Day 153 - Quiet day had a cookie

The meals I have I have a choice of a desert or other small (small) snack.  I didn't pick sweets the first week, but the second week I just couldn't face another balsamic mozzarella ball.  Blech.  So I have been getting the deserts every now and then.  Yesterday I got a cookie.

Just call me Pavlov.  I drooled literally drooled all over the cookie and down my chin - it was pathetic.  Was it good - probably not - but for me it was like I had died and gone to heaven.  I don't even like oatmeal raisin cookies.

So excited was I - I went and changed all my orders to have cookies.  Maybe one is not enough, but it was all I had so I dealt with it.   Now that I think about it maybe I should change it back...it could be the beginning of the end.  I so love sweets - and I do get that love honestly.  Both parents are serious lovers of sweets, it is genetic I am sure.

So no sweets today, but I do get London broil - Yum.

Day 152 - Goals

Well I have set up mini goals - mainly watching my weight go backwards in time.  So I met my first goal back on January 1 and I have been working towards my second goal.  This second goal is my weight at 02/02/02.  And I am 2 pounds away from it.  Now as T2 says maybe my cast weighs two pounds so I may have hit it already, but we are only going by what the scales says not what we think the cast may weigh, so two pounds it is.

My next goal is 1998.  That one is going to be a bit trickier due to the fact that I was probably in the best shape I had ever been as an adult.  So I may not be as fit, but I will be the same weight.  That goal is 27 pounds.  That is important because I can get on a bike and ride again so I am looking forward to that.

You'll just have to wait to find out what the other goals are - but the years are rolling away and remember I started this weight journey in 1991 and I have already gone back 9 years!!!

Daya 151 - Office chaos

So I have talked so often about my office and it is really starting to bug me.  I need someone to come in and just organize the office, set up so I don't have to spend half the morning looking for what I am working on and maybe set up files.  If chaos is a sing of genius then I am in the strati sphere - but I don't even compete the TH - so he must be godlike.

I am close to done with the TFF and I thought this time it would take less time, but no - it still took forever.  But it is adding to the chaos, and then I have to figure out what to scan and my scanner is good but it doesn't scan large documents.  It will only safely scan 10 pages, and if I have more I have to sit there holding them or they scrunchy.  And after they are scanned I have all these pages that need to be put somewhere.

I just have to keep remembering chaos is a sign of genius - chaos is a sign of genius - chaos is a sign of genius.

Day 150 - Two more weeks and this cast is off

I only have two more weeks of the cast, but that can't be soon enough.  I hope to high heaven that they don't put me back in the cast.  That would be the worst of all scenarios.  I have decided if they do I am still going to exercise.  I am sure that the foot is healing enough that it can take the elliptical.  Boo hiss on broken bones.

It is amazing that life goes on around you even though your not in it.  I never thought being a shut in would be so hard.  I have always said I am a bit of a recluse, but not being able to go out if you want to is very hard to take.  Plus other then watching american idol I don't do much except for playing star craft and working.  None of those are very interesting.  I did buy a bunch of books, but just "to busy" to read.  I  can't miss all my tv shows now can I.

Day 149 - No Group

I didn't go to group on Tuesday night mainly due to the fact that I had to do something new and I don't like doing new things alone.  So no weight no funny stories - such is life.

I did go out to eat for the first time in 6 months and it was not hard - just got a salad with the dressing on the side.  Surprising a lot of salad, not a lot of other stuff on it so it worked out well.

I have been supplementing the delivery with fresh fruit and vegetables.  I am suppose to have three cups of fruit and three cups of vegetables and the delivery is giving me about 1/2 that.  But today with what I selected I won't be able to eat all the food if I want to stay in the 1200 calories.  I got desert for the next couple of days and that is twice as many calories as the "appetizers" so I am thinking of going back and changing the dessert to  appetizers so I can have more fruit.

Day 148 - Now I am just getting paranoid

I had a lovely lunch with Z today.  I have to say that I really enjoy her company - she is always interesting and she just exudes goodness.  But...she hasn't seen me in over a year and she did not even notice the weight loss.  I really don't want people coming up to me and telling me how good I look or what have you, but I would like someone to acknowledge the weight loss without me having to talk about it.  In group all I hear about is how people are always commenting on how much weight they have lost and how good they look.  No one _ without my prompting _ has made a comment about it (okay maybe B did, but she has been reading this blog.)

I think as I have said time and time again in this blog people don't see it.  They develop a mental image in their head and that is what they see unless there is a really drastic change - and I guess I haven't lost enough weight for there to be that "drastic" change.  Mores the pity.  But I do have to say that some of the people who were talking about how people were mentioning their weight loss -I personally  couldn't see the loss as much as they said their friends did.

BUT - I do know that their is a change because I see it, and I am one who shouldn't be seeing it since it is happening to me.  Oh well - it is an interesting study in human behavior.

Day 147 - No play no walk

Yesterday TH promised we could go to the park and throw the ball for my very bored hairy child.  She barks constantly and she just doesn't let up.  At least now she is barking at the front of the house instead of at the neighbors behind.  I think we would have animal control over if she was barking at the back yard.

So TH got home and we all eagerly made our way to the car.  T was beside herself singing  all the way down the stairs.  I know that a lot of people might think that it sounds more like - oh I don't know a high pitched keening cry that can be heard miles and miles.  But she was on her best behavior making those noises but obeying me completely (it was very very nice.)

We get in the car and she is just shivering from excitement and she is making the uncontrollable keening sound, and we wait and wait for TH to come out and join us.  About 5 minutes later and I am now completely deaf he shows up starts the car and ... it doesn't start.  Dead Battery.  So we wait and wait as he tries to jump start the car and nothing happens.  So now we have been in the car for a good half hour and he gets in and says we are not going (not even going in the car that runs.)  Poor T - people say that dogs don't know that they don't get to go because they have no sense of time.  But T knew she wasn't going and she wasn't going to get out of the car. By gosh you promised a walk and I want a walk.

Oh well two weeks and two days and then we can go.

Day 146 - Disappearing blog

I blogged yesterday and it was really interesting, but somehow it got deleted - hmm - maybe not so interesting.

But I mainly talked about swimming and how much I miss swimming.  My niece  swam this weekend and had two national times.  I never even had one - I was never as good as they are, and I revel in their successes.  Maybe in my next life...

I guess that is something I will never know.

Day 145 - Is that really the portion?

So the food I have been getting is mostly good, the chicken is dry, but it is white meat so what do you expect.  But the portion size is really really small.  I mean the snack was a chicken strip and a teaspoon (yes teaspoon) of ranch dressing.  Now a teaspoon is more then enough for one (1) chicken strip.  I was curious so I weighed the chicken strip out and it was 1/2 an ounce.

For lunch I had a mushroom stuffed with shrimp.  It was better then the snack I had of two pieces of shrimp and cocktail sauce (yes one teaspoon of cocktail sauce also.)  The other snack I got was one thinly sliced piece of egg plant and one thin slice of mozzarella.  I don't like mozzarella and I don't like egg plant so I won't be eating that again.

Now one day I did have a huge amount of food.  I had a piece of chicken that was 7 oz.  I gave generously to the dogs.  They enjoyed it, but a little less chicken a little more of the other food?  I really am not sure that they have their portion sizes right.

Tomorrow I get eggs - I hope they aren't egg whites.  Oh boy do I miss the shakes, bars and soup.  

Day 144 - Skype

Well I used Skype for the first time with little T (Princess T?) and it was interesting.  Her phone didn't have the best camera (or maybe it was the lighting) but still it was clear enough to see.  Amazing that she is clear across the country and I can talk to her in person.  Amazing.  It was like being in the same room with her.

But the interesting thing about this was I have an initial picture that I took when I first set up Skype and I wouldn't use Skype because I hated looking at myself.    I realize that most people don't pay attention or all they see is that I am heavy and I am still heavy, but looking at that initial picture and seeing me live I realized that it shows - a lot.  It seems that I have lost a lot of weight in the face but nobody is realizing it.  I have gone to two clients and they haven't noticed and Princess T didn't notice either.

I was thinking that I was to heavy for people to notice weight loss, but now I think that people don't pay attention.  All they see is fat and as long as you remain fat that is all they will continue to see.

I think that I am okay with that, this weight loss is about being physically active, not looks.  And about work - people do judge by appearances...

 

Day 143 - No adventure today

Well I was suppose to be on a plane to SC to do the MS walk instead I am sitting at my desk feeling sorry for myself.  I suppose I would be worried about mundane things - that is just what I do, but I think that I am missing out on something exciting - oh well.

I am eleven pounds away from my second goal and 31 pounds away from the most important goal - bike riding. Now if I was doing Optifast I would be at that second goal in a couple of months, but because I am not doing Optifast it will probably be 5 or six months.  Very depressing.  But maybe in time for the fall...bike rides in the fall can be wonderful too.

My feet are getting soft, all that hard work, and now I have to retoughen the feet again.  Well I am going to do something fun like - hmm - work.

Day 142 - Second day

So this was the second day on the food and I ending up not eating one of the appetizers and the cottage cheese. But I made up for it by adding more fruit and eating dill pickles.  I realized that I am used to eating six times and this food is only 5 times.  I like my last snack right before bed and I am not getting it so I am a little depressed.  On Optifast we ate breakfast - snack - lunch - snack - dinner - snack now no final snack.  I am going to have to remedy that.

So much lamenting over food.  I find it funny that all I write about now is the food.  It is always on my mind and I look forward to eating, then I am disappointed.  Well there is always tomorrow.

Day 141 - New food

Well the food came and I was surprised how small the portions were.  Except of course breakfast which was huge.  T helped eat the eggs with me and even though the portion sizes are minuscule it came to over 1400 calories, so T will be helping me a lot.  The egg itself was 371 calories - so I went back and changed all breakfasts to fresh fruit -   fruit and yogurt can't be that much.

It is funny how much more appetizing the food looks on the web site.  It just wasn't that good looking in person, oh well.  After this I am thinking of trying Jenny Craig.  Give me good practice talking on the phone.

Diet food just isn't any good no matter how you cut it.  Except from the 350 calorie book, but I can't see cooking every day.  I will keep you updated on the food.