Day 368 - In my mind

Life doesn't always turn out the way that you want it to, and usually it is  the tiny failures that have lasting impact on you, for the most part.  My tiny failure was swimming.  

When I was young I wanted to do everything my brother did and I wanted to be as good as he was in everything I did that he did.  One of the things he did really well was swimming, so when we moved to Delhi the first thing I wanted to do was join the swim team that he was on.  

So when I asked if I could join the team the coach told me I had to swim four laps without stopping before they would consider it.  I can do that I said, and the coach looked at me and said I am sure you can with practice.  I was eight years old, and I don't know if I had ever swum one lap let alone four, but I wanted to join right then so I said I can do it right now watch.     

I swam the four laps, and true to their word I was allowed to join the team.  I worked hard, my brother was always in the fastest lane, and I was swimming with the babies, I wanted to be next to him at least, so I worked hard.  (There were other perks to swimming with him, we would always take a scooter to practice and come home together, and I had all that time alone with him.  He was my favorite person in the whole world and swimming was the one thing we had in common, the one thing that bonded us together.)

So I did work very hard, and I began to excel at it.  My brother was a backstroker so I too became a backstroker.   Soon I was breaking records, and then I realized I really was a good swimmer, maybe I was even better then he was.  And as I continued to swim I found that I didn't really care so much about impressing him, I really liked winning, and I liked being better then every one else. 

But I was young and the papers weren't as impressed with my national records as they were with cute little LB.  The bane of my existence.  She was 4 years older then me and she too won all her races and she was the media (at least for swimming) little darling.  Bah...

(to be continued)

Day 367 - Dinner

So for the first time in a year I gave myself permission to have whatever I wanted.  I found that what I really wanted was bread.  Warm hot bread with a touch of butter.  Life is good.    But back to reality is a little harder.

So I ordered everything I wanted, and ate not everything I wanted, but I ate a little of everything.  I know I could have eaten more and more and more, but I did restrain myself, and now I have five days to lose it again.  If I break even this week, that will be really good.

I am having some difficulty adjusting back to eating correctly.  I find that I want to eat more then I usually did before, so it is a struggle these last couple of weeks not to eat too much.

I know that it has to do with the swimming and my body thinks I need more food to compensate, and my head doesn't always win out.

I remember listening to people talk about exercising so they could eat.  I have thought a lot about that and I have to say that I am dieting so I can exercise.  I need to remember that when I want to go off plan.  What is the ultimate goal?  To be thin or be physical?  Def physical.

Day 366 - One Year Anniversary

Yes it has been one year - An amazing year.  As I was driving home from group yesterday I was thinking I am not losing as quickly as I would like.  In the beginning I was averaging about 3.5 pounds a week, now it  is more like a pound.  Then I thought, but I am able to do things I couldn't before, like walking, swimming,... fitting in chairs, you know just some of the usually mundane things.

So if I continue to lose at this current rate, I won't be at goal until next October, but really if you think about it that is okay.  I wanted to be mobile, and I didn't want the weight to keep me from doing what I want to do.  So now I am swimming, walking, traveling, going to shows, all with no problems.  So the very last step of course is the airplane bathroom.  I think I fit in there now, but I haven't tried it yet, and what if I try it and I can't get in, or worse get in and can't get out.  Oh the stress of it all.

So maybe I won't lose the rest in 32 weeks, and maybe this blog will end before I hit goal, but really that is okay.

Day 365 - Lifeguards

Well in the past two weeks I have seen a number of life guards, some just sit there, some walk around the pool, some stand and chat with the swimmers and so on.  So talking with one of the lifeguards I told her that it was very disconcerting having to swim uphill all the time.  She stopped turned around and looked at the pool.  "I think it is level, maybe a little tilted - is it, wow I never realized that before."

The only thought that went through my head at the time was your going to save me if I am drowning?

So I have swum 11 days in the last three weeks, and I wanted to do 5 days a week, so I am off a day, plus I am not improving as quickly as I expected.  We want immediate results, or at least enough that I can say I am improving a little, but my hundred time is exactly the same.  Maybe even a little slower.  Well maybe I should do five days.

This is how I got fat in the first place.  I am obsessive compulsive and I have an on and off switch.  At least this is a healthy on switch.

Day 364 - Ouch

So every two years, after the age of 50, women have to have the breast smashed radiated and left bruised and sore.  It sucks in so many ways.  And for me I thought it was just a waste of time.  But now, I am willing to go through the indignity and the pain just for the peace of mind.

That was my day today.  A little radiation, a little work, a little swimming.  Tomorrow maybe I will do it all again (without the radiation.)

Day 363 - On a clear day you can see forever

But how many clear days are there in San Francisco?  Not many, so when the sun comes out - so do the masses.  And when that happens it is time to get out of Dodge.  I like the cloudy misty weather.  It is good for walking and I can take T with me.

However, I haven't been taking T with me anywhere because she is such a jerk on the leash when she sees other dogs.  And I just can't seem to control her.  I broke down and bought a gentle leader, but I don't know if that will help or just make the walking uncomfortable (she has a tendency to throw a fit with the gentle leader on.)

We may or may not go for a walk today.  We will see.

Day 362 - Swimming in the big pool

So I broke down and went swimming at Brisbane.  It was a bit pitiful.  The swimmers there were all faster then me.  In fact this one lady actually lapped me twice when I did a fifty,   The time it took me to get down and back she had gone down and back twice.  So I did a minute ten for the fify, she did a minute ten for the hundred.  To be totally honest though - I was never that fast.  I probably did the hundreds during practice at 1:12 - 1:15 so she was faster then me even at my prime.  So what the heck was she doing at the pool?

Also there were a couple of swimmers there that splashed more then dolphins at play, and they too were beating me.  I was just getting beat up all around.  And dang those cramps just wouldn't let me increase the intensity.  I get them every time I swim.  The only exercise I have done in the last 37 years has all been legs, I haven't used my arms at all.  So to have my legs the ones giving out surprises me.    

So what is a girl to do?