Day 293 - Playing the waiting game

We have all done it, the famous phrase I will do it tomorrow, or I will start on the 1st, 5, or whatever is your favorite day of the week is.  Must do it on at the start of the week/month.  I have written about tomorrowitis many times, and I did fall victim to it while Little T was here.

But now that she is gone I haven't done as much as I would have liked.  I slept pretty much all of Friday (after of course the enormous walk I did) and Saturday, I just couldn't get my head in the game.  I am leaving Wednesday so I am not sure when I am going to get everything done.  But it is the exercise I was planning on doing that I haven't done.

The program now wants us to do an hour a day.  I was happy to be doing a half hour to hour 4 or 5 times a week.  I am not sure I can do an hour a day.  I think my body would need some rest.  But I guess if it is walking an hour a day that isn't to bad.  I don't know.  September I will start working towards an hour a day.  Don't have time now.

Day 292 - Wow time flies

292 days ago I embarked on this journey, 30 years ago even at this weight I would have been done.  That just goes to show how my metabolism has failed me.  In group the facilitator told us that they find that the younger people who lose weight in the program don't continue to come to the group because they don't need it as much as the older people. I look back at my weight loss that I did through Nutrisystem I did quit going and I did keep it off, but as you can see it came back with a vengeance when it came back.  

But I think I was different in some aspects.  I knew my danger point, had told T if I got over a certain weight I would be in trouble, but I ignored those words and gained the weight.  I was thrown in a situation where I didn't know how to eat.  I ate one meal a day and that was all I needed at that time.  I came into a house that ate three meals a day and there was food in the house - as much as I wanted.  I had never lived in a house that was delicious.  I actually remember the day that I lost total control of my eating.  We had breakfast (TH full breakfast style) then we had lunch and I was still full from the breakfast, but I ate the lunch, then he ordered the most delicious steak sandwiches I had ever had.  I was in heaven and in pain.  I was like I can't eat another bite but I did and I finished the whole thing, and I thought when I was done that was stupid I didn't need the lunch and breakfast if I was having this...

And so the years rolled by, and I became more and more of a hedonistic.  Aren't we all hedonist at the core?  But now I am finding pleasure in other things, hopefully that will replace the pleasure I got out of food.  

Day 291 - Bye Bye

Sadness, no more young person.  No more playmate for big dog.  No more drama.  Too much sadness.

Day 290 - Delusions

So we went to Billy Elliott and I told Little T we would get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner beforehand.  So I had bought a new dress had my feet and nails done and put on some make up.  I looked in the mirror and thought I look really good,   I had my hair up and I haven't had my hair up in years because basically I thought I looked like crap with my hair up, but for the first time I didn't feel that way.  However LT thought I would look better with my hair straightened and down.

When she was done she started jumping up and down screaming I looked beautiful and I should *ALWAYS* do my hair that way.  She pushed me in front of the mirror and stared back horrified.  I have not cut my hair for about 3 or 4 years saying I wasn't going to cut my hair until I lost the weight so what lay in front of me was stringy uneven hair with my gray standing out like a sore thumb.  See I got all the curls out she happily told me.  But I like my curls I whined silently to myself because my hair doesn't look as damaged that way.


So, yes, my hair is uneven, and I have lost a lot of hair in the last year.  It has come off like a dogs in spring, and I have been worrying that I may get a bald spot, but I knew I would get it fixed when I did lose the weight.  I am beginning to think I can't wait til I lose all the weight, I may have to get it cut sooner.  But I do have to tell you that I am not letting Little T anywhere near me with a straighten iron again.

Day 289 - Two pounds from 5th goal

So I have ten goals with the 10th being the final goal, and I am two pounds away from the fifth goal.  I had hoped to have hit this before leaving for Bellingham, and there is a possibility that I might, but then again there is a possibility I won't.  Only time will tell - well one week.

Each weight is significant either it is a set point or it is a historical weight loss starting point.  This next weight goal as I said before was the weight when I went to Jenny Craig weighed myself and cried like a baby.  I remember the first week on the diet from JC I lost 9 pounds and I was ecstatic.  I don't think I will lose 9 pounds the first week after I hit this goal weight, but then I didn't lose 9 pounds any week in this program.  Just goes to show how my metabolism has changed.

I don't know what my set points are after this, because it has been too long since I have weighed this amount (the fifth goal is my 1993 weight) so maybe my body doesn't have any set points now?  Can one possible pass all set points and not have anymore plateaus until I reach goal weight.  I am going to have to search those long gone years and figure out where those set points maybe.

Day 288 - Who didn't exercise last week?

I didn't.  And boy did I feel it on Tuesday.  It is amazing how fast you can lose it.  I found the hills so hard that I felt like I was starting all over.  I wheezed and panted all the way up only to see another just around the bend.  And J the whole time talking and laughing like she was on  a flat.    How oh how am I going to hike up Montara Mountain?  That is almost a 1600 climb, and the most I have done so far is 700 - Yikes.  And after yesterday I am seriously considering changing my plans at the Olympic Peninsula.

Furthermore, when I was in GV I found that I was not strong enough to swim against the high current.  I remember my nephew coming and doing it for an hour and I was thinking wow, but I couldn't even do it for five seconds.  Even Little T did it longer then me.  So I haven't been doing weights, but I think it is time.

In fact I probably should be doing that then writing this blog.

Day 287 - Tuesday

Group, walk and talk.  I have had a hard week and again it looks like I won't lose weight, but I am hoping that I will break even.

It has been hard trying to make sure that someone else is eating and worrying about their eating as well as my own.  I am not good at feeding people since I don't cook.  And even if I did, I am not sure I would be cooking the right things for an eleven year old.

But I have eaten out more then I have in the last year, and each time I go out it is a little harder.  The first time I was super careful followed all the rules, but now I look and read and hopefully make the correct decision, but I am not as careful as I used to be.  When I taste the food, if it taste too rich I stop eating it, but if taste okay I may finish it.  Point in fact I got a beef salad, and the first bite was like heaven, so I started to worry that it was too caloric so I ate about a fourth of it and waited for TH to tell me to have another bite, but I didn't and he didn't (probably because I ordered something and the little one didn't.)  But not finishing it was really hard - and I knew if I had finished it I would have kept eating - ice cream cookies cake- so I had to stop you see.

I had to stop to prove I could.  So even if I have gained weight this week, I have not lost the battle because I was able to stop eating something I really liked.   I am still in control.