Day 537 - What a bunch of A** H****

Really am I really planning on spending the next 30 weeks with these people.   I thought we had some marginal people in our group, but these people take the cake, and I don't even know them yet.

The program is dragging the bottom of the barrel to fill these classes, some of these people aren't  - or don't - look overweight.  One guy informed us he isn't obese, but blah blah blah...if I was in this group the first time around I would have gone out screaming literally.

Really don't get me started.  From Ms VA to Mr Agriculture we have the gambit of federal employees, with all that entails.

Brother make the next 30 weeks go really fast.  I would take almond roca or KFC any day.

Day 536 - Where will you be in a year?

So I have this horrible worry that if I finally do finish trying to lose weight, I will gain it all back in a year.  The memory of all that was bad is slowly fading ( for the better or worse) and I am left with the only real reminder of lose skin.

Dr. C was telling me that it is all in the mind of the individual.  She said that studies show that after you lose the weight most people start gaining it back immediately.  And for those who do gastric bypass this also is true.  That doesn't mean it will happen to you, she told me, but really, stop telling me I will gain it back or you hope I won't gain it back.  It just doesn't help.  In group we talked about those people who said don't get rid of your old clothes because you will be needing them soon, this is the same thing.  I really know that I am not going to ever stop watching what I eat just because I lose the weight.  I know that it will be a constant battle everyday of my life. I know that there will be times when I will just completely lose it and binge, but for now in the here and now let me just focus on losing it first.  Let me finish this battle before telling me I am losing the war.  That I am fighting something with an inevitable ending that will not be in my favor.

Hopefully when I finish this round, I can spend the next 52 weeks working on keeping the weight off.  I plan on doing the whole program, start to finish, and I hope after three years I will have enough of a foundation to succeed, but for now it is just one day at a time.

Day 535 - Please don't talk in class

So I was asked nicely to keep my mouth shut during group.  I have been through the group and I know what the questions and answers are, so please let others think and answer.  Also if you can please don't tell them this is your second time through.

Dr. C doesn't know me very well.  Sometimes people get license to do what they want to do in the first place, she just gave me license to not have to talk in group.  How do you make me smile?  Tell me I don't have to talk!!!  Yay me!!

But other than that there were other things I had forgotten about, like no advil.  No advil.  No advil.  Now how am I going to survive with no advil?  Dang.  No caffeine, no advil, no aspirin,  someone is going to be in pain.  She did say I could ask the doctor for Vicodin.  No I don't think so.  It isn't something I can take everyday like I can Advil.  But she did suggest ice packs.  What is this with everyone suggesting ice packs?  Even when I needed them I didn't use them.  Even when my knee was killing me I didn't use it.  I hate the cold on my skin and putting an ice pack on my aching muscles may help the muscles, but what about freezing me out?

I can't believe no Advil.

Day 534 - Mellow T

Well we went for a walk yesterday, and I have to say that I was remarkably surprised how mellow my big girl was.  She came across a number of dogs and didn't lunge, bark, growl or any of that bad stuff.  Either Baby T has mellowed her, or she didn't see them.  I am hoping for the first.

But it was almost a nice day, so the walk was pleasant, and I was listening to BOT, so all was good.  Tomorrow for sure - I will try swimming.

Day 533 - I meant to...

I had big plans for the day.  I meant to plan this week out, I meant to plan my exercise out I meant to exercise I meant to clean my office, but all I did was surf the net looking for better ways to plan my day.

I also watched videos on swimming.  Read swimming articles, and joined an on-line swimming group.  I read all these workouts that have you doing 100's on the minute 30, and I think to myself - what a wonderful life - nope that just came out. so I think to myself it just isn't going to happen for me.  I am never going to be in the 1:15 range - ever again.  So I probably will never be doing intervals on the 1:30.

Did I say yesterday during swimming I thought I was swimming in a 25 meter pool.  It must have been because my stroke count was off, and my times were off.  It wasn't my fault - it was the pools.

Day 510-522 Let me entertain you

Yesterday T1 made a comment that reverberated through me.  A truth I hadn't understood until she put it into words.

People say that they eat out of boredom, but that isn't quite right.  Not really.  People eat because food entertains them.  It isn't the merely act of sitting down with people and eating, it is the actual food that is the entertainment.   If you think about it is an almost all encompassing sensory show.  It is the visual, aromatic, touch and taste.  I love looking at cook books, I love looking at pictures in cook books.  Especially when I am on a diet I love looking at cook books.  I love the smell of food.  Walking down the street and smelling the local restaurants, it just makes your mouth water.  Or walking by a bakery?  They have scented candles that smell like different foods, people love the smell of food.  And I love everything cold.  I love ice cubes, ice cream, I like the sensation of the cold in my mouth. And of course taste. Who doesn't like the taste of your favorite food.

So if you are bored what better way to entertain yourself.  TV doesn't even come close to the entertainment that food gives you.  And then if you add the social aspect of food - it just doesn't get any better then that.

But as T1 said, do you really want to waste that entertainment on mediocrity or on something that is not appealing?  That is another reason why dieting is so hard.  You take the entertainment out of food and it just becomes fuel.  So you wait until your done dieting so you can have your entertainment back.  But hopeful in quiet of the diet you can find other things to entertain you that you can carry forward when you are done dieting.  Exercise?

Day 532 - Queen of the Pool

Hey finally I was queen of the pool yesterday.  Yes that is right I was faster then all those 80 and 90 year old men.  Whoo hoo!!!!But the workout wasn't as fast as I would have liked.  Oh well, can't have everything.

But afterwards I went to the grocery store (starving) and decided to get a farewell to food package.  In our very first meeting K had said that she had a farewell to food party, and I knew then and there she was one of us.   Though she didn't have that much to lose, and she constantly went off product, she knew the love of food.  So walking up and down those aisles I kept looking to see what I absolutely had to have before I was on all product again.

Chips.  I got chips.  Not candy, not cookies, not cake, not ice cream, but chips.  So what does that say about me now?  I thought for a while it might be that I was changing my food likes and dislikes, but then I thought you just swam 2.5 miles your dehydrated and you want the salt.  Yes I was really dehydrated, my leg wouldn't stop cramping and toes were in the permanent curled cramp position, so I had an inkling I was understanding my food craving.

But seriously, I have allowed myself to enjoy whatever I want this week, and I am finding that I am actually craving different foods then I did the first time.  The first time I wanted sweets - ice cream - cake - cookies - anything sweet.  Now I  have been craving mainly carbs - rice, bread, naan, chips, but I haven't been craving sweets or meat.  And the thought of having a McDonald's burger is actually very unappealing.  I love my burger that I get from TFD, but not enough to make it as one of my goodbye meals.

Wednesday it starts anew.