Day 47 - The Struggle

Not everyday is a struggle, and I have said before this diet leaves you fairly satisfied, generally.  Yesterday I could easily have fallen back into old patterns, and I don't know what made yesterday different from any other day. 

My whole attitude was I just didn't care.  Part of it was there is absolutely nothing I look forward to eating right now.  They gave me the wrong bars and I only like one kind of bars and the gave me no soup and though I have tomato soup left I absolutely hate the taste.  I have to gag it down like the shakes.  So whereas before I had my chocolate bar and chicken soup to look forward to I have nothing to look forward to, I just have to get the food down because I have to eat the calories.  I want to enjoy something I think everyone does, and I am not a starving person so everything does not look good to me.

Messing up on my order couldn't have come at a worse time.  After not losing weight last week and not having anything to eat that I like this week, I am struggling both mentally and physically.  Not exercising Thursday and Friday also could have something to do with it, but it also is the whole I don't care attitude.

Also you lose some of your individuality.  When you diet alone your struggle is unique and it is something nobody else will understand.  When you are a group losing weight the struggles you having you see others are having and trust me it isn't reassuring.  You want to be unique, you want to be different, your struggles are harder, but you find it is just human nature in one degree or another.  There is nothing special about you.  And overcoming this weight affliction is being done by 20 other people (well okay maybe 19) so instead of bonding and feeling like a sister/brotherhood I just feel competitive.  I want my ordeal to be bigger and badder then anyone elses.  I don't want people to tell me they know exactly what I am going through.  Even though they may. 

It is good that I was on this product because if I wasn't yesterday I would have officially blown the diet.  I didn't have to make the wrong choice and justify it with it is only one day, or it is only 40 points - I just use my extra points. 

Yes if I wasn't on this program yesterday would have been the last day of dieting after 46 grueling days.

Don't worry today I am better, we are going to a Christmas Faire and then maybe home or...