Day 286 - What is the Catalyst?

So many people have asked why is this time different.  The answer is I don't know.  But here are some of my thoughts.

I promised T2 that I would go to India with her on her birthday - if I lost the weight - I didn't, but I was so very sad because I really really wanted to.

I got tired of not looking at myself.  When I would I would be just too disgusted.

I got tired of worrying about were I was going to park because it would hurt to walk to far.

I got tired of having to buy an extra seat in the theater because I spilled over into the other seat and I didn't want some stranger to have their show ruined because I couldn't fit in my seat.

I got tired of being embarrassed because I couldn't walk up a little hill without stopping ten times.

I got tired of peoples look of disgust when they actually looked at me.

I got worried that my dogs health was suffering because I couldn't take her for walks.

I started to worry that I wouldn't outlive my dog.

I got tired of wearing tents.

I got tired of having to sit at a table instead of a booth.

I got tired of worrying about whether or not I would break the chair.

I got tired about not wanting to go to someplace or event because I didn't know if I would fit.

I got tired of being traumatized with travel.

I got tired of my doctor telling me there wasn't anything she could do.

Really I just got tired of being fat.  I got tired of not being able to go on adventures because I was fat.  I was tired of people looking at me when I would talk about these adventures like I was a deluding myself.  I got tired of people telling me I  couldn't do it.


I am planning on going on rides next year because I couldn't fit this year so I still have things I want to do but can't because I am too large, but the list is getting shorter.