Okay before I start in on the blog I have a confession to make. I got weighed, went for a walk, but the facilitator wasn't there so I left. Whew that feels good to get that off my chest. And I am not even catholic, but I am confessing for two, so that is doubling my punishment.
So when I was a young girl I worked with a woman who was much much older then I, she was easily 40/50 years old, and she had moved to Seattle from New York City. She had adopted a group of us as her kids and we were always hanging out at her house, and during that time she shared many secrets with us. One of those secrets was a journal (or to be more precise 21 journals) she kept while living in NYC.
She was rotund, and was always working on losing weight. She was living with her boyfriend of many many years, but he was much younger then she was. They weren't married, but by NY common law they were (or so she said.)
Her journals told the journey of loneliness, drugs, betrayal, sex, violence, really it would have been a very dark movie. And the first 10 journals were fascinating, but I never made it to the end. She poured her heart and soul into these pieces of paper, you saw a woman that was just a little step out of reality, and you felt like you were in a place you really shouldn't be. Her world, so totally alien to me, left me empty/drained/hurt/sad. Never could I think of her the same after reading those journals. Granted I was very naive, but even if I read them today I think that I would still have a very similar reaction.
But I soon found that they were repeating, I start reading one page and think I just read that, and soon it became clear that her journals didn't lend to a conclusive journey but more to an never-ending circle. And the sadness permeated the pages. She on the other hand was always jovial, laughing, making everyone else laugh. I loved being around her. Until I read the journals.
I had forgotten about those journals until just now. Sometimes I speak what is in my heart, and I have to wonder is it to much? It is a very brave person who shows their soul and I am not that brave. Definitely not as brave as this woman was. If she is still alive she must be 70/80 years old, I wonder if she completed her journey?
So when I was a young girl I worked with a woman who was much much older then I, she was easily 40/50 years old, and she had moved to Seattle from New York City. She had adopted a group of us as her kids and we were always hanging out at her house, and during that time she shared many secrets with us. One of those secrets was a journal (or to be more precise 21 journals) she kept while living in NYC.
She was rotund, and was always working on losing weight. She was living with her boyfriend of many many years, but he was much younger then she was. They weren't married, but by NY common law they were (or so she said.)
Her journals told the journey of loneliness, drugs, betrayal, sex, violence, really it would have been a very dark movie. And the first 10 journals were fascinating, but I never made it to the end. She poured her heart and soul into these pieces of paper, you saw a woman that was just a little step out of reality, and you felt like you were in a place you really shouldn't be. Her world, so totally alien to me, left me empty/drained/hurt/sad. Never could I think of her the same after reading those journals. Granted I was very naive, but even if I read them today I think that I would still have a very similar reaction.
But I soon found that they were repeating, I start reading one page and think I just read that, and soon it became clear that her journals didn't lend to a conclusive journey but more to an never-ending circle. And the sadness permeated the pages. She on the other hand was always jovial, laughing, making everyone else laugh. I loved being around her. Until I read the journals.
I had forgotten about those journals until just now. Sometimes I speak what is in my heart, and I have to wonder is it to much? It is a very brave person who shows their soul and I am not that brave. Definitely not as brave as this woman was. If she is still alive she must be 70/80 years old, I wonder if she completed her journey?
T3 - I'll make a totally unwarranted assertion that your secrets (and you certainly have them) are NOT that dark. Even if they were, you'd still be my LOML.
ReplyDeleteKeep the blog going.
Skipping out on the facilitator??? What has Kaiser wrought?
Remember that people tend to write journals in order to vent emotion, so I would guess few people fill their journals with happy thoughts. Seems perfectly possible that a person might write dark (in a journal anyway) but still be essentially happy. Maybe not the people in "Shame" though. Ok, maybe not that many people. Hmmmmmm. Gotta think about this.
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