So there is five more weeks, and the group is beginning to freak out a bit about the transition. Me too for that matter. I found how easy it was to just gain a bunch of weight really really quickly (when I decided to redo the program I went on a binge sort of and gained like five pounds in a week.)
It is going to be close to two years, but can I keep it off. Can I maintain? Can I change my habits? Can I eat correctly? I don't know. I do know that I don't want to go back to were I was, and now that I have lost another 36 pounds I don't want to go back up to where I was before I lost the last bit of weight. But am I going to be able to keep control? It got hard towards the end last time. Will every day be a struggle? Will I start having the creep? Will I develop tomorrowitis?
When on just product food is all encompassing. Everything looks good one moment and the next you can't care less. You change from minute to minute, and you realize that that probably how it was before the diet as well. One moment your absolutely craving something and the next not at all. I know that I eat out of boredom. I know that I like to eat. I know that even though there are times that I am bored while on this diet I am committed to the program, so I know that desire to eat will pass.
But what happens when I don't have to let it pass. What happens when I want to eat something and I don't want to wait to see if I will get over it. Who am I going to call? Ghost busters?
I said that I wasn't going to diet after this part, but I think I need to adjust my thinking. I am not going to have to lose weight, but I am going to have to watch, just like I do now. I am going to have to know that I can't binge, that I can't lose control, and that I am prone to obesity. That it is both cultural and genetic. I have to fight it harder then some, well probably most. It isn't my excuse, it is my reality. The reality, I need to keep all the weight off for two years - all of it off.
I freaked out a little when B told me that when I go off this I will probably gain five to ten pounds immediately. What???!!! Why would I gain five to ten pounds immediately? No no no. I am not losing this weight and putting myself through this hell just so I can gain back five to ten pounds. Don't tell me I am going to gain it back please. Don't tell me to hang on to my fat clothes. Don't tell me I need to reorder my seat belt extender. Let me maintain this weight, let me keep this weight off. Let me someday not be obsessed with weight and weight loss. Please. I just want to enjoy food and enjoy life without having this always hanging over my head.
It is going to be close to two years, but can I keep it off. Can I maintain? Can I change my habits? Can I eat correctly? I don't know. I do know that I don't want to go back to were I was, and now that I have lost another 36 pounds I don't want to go back up to where I was before I lost the last bit of weight. But am I going to be able to keep control? It got hard towards the end last time. Will every day be a struggle? Will I start having the creep? Will I develop tomorrowitis?
When on just product food is all encompassing. Everything looks good one moment and the next you can't care less. You change from minute to minute, and you realize that that probably how it was before the diet as well. One moment your absolutely craving something and the next not at all. I know that I eat out of boredom. I know that I like to eat. I know that even though there are times that I am bored while on this diet I am committed to the program, so I know that desire to eat will pass.
But what happens when I don't have to let it pass. What happens when I want to eat something and I don't want to wait to see if I will get over it. Who am I going to call? Ghost busters?
I said that I wasn't going to diet after this part, but I think I need to adjust my thinking. I am not going to have to lose weight, but I am going to have to watch, just like I do now. I am going to have to know that I can't binge, that I can't lose control, and that I am prone to obesity. That it is both cultural and genetic. I have to fight it harder then some, well probably most. It isn't my excuse, it is my reality. The reality, I need to keep all the weight off for two years - all of it off.
I freaked out a little when B told me that when I go off this I will probably gain five to ten pounds immediately. What???!!! Why would I gain five to ten pounds immediately? No no no. I am not losing this weight and putting myself through this hell just so I can gain back five to ten pounds. Don't tell me I am going to gain it back please. Don't tell me to hang on to my fat clothes. Don't tell me I need to reorder my seat belt extender. Let me maintain this weight, let me keep this weight off. Let me someday not be obsessed with weight and weight loss. Please. I just want to enjoy food and enjoy life without having this always hanging over my head.
We should have a ceremony where we SHOOT your seat belt extender - I'm serious. A good use of ammunition & a good cause.
ReplyDeleteYou will NOT gain back 5-10 pounds immediately & it's fine to dump your fat clothes.
When you're bored, use the elitical machine - better yet, don't get bored & take N up on her offer to teach you how to play tennis.