So today as I was trying to decide what to wear, I realized that I don't have any clothes in my "new" size in GV. I wondered for a minute if I should get rid of the old clothes, but I couldn't do it. Mainly I am afraid. Afraid I will fit once more into them, and then I will have to buy a whole new wardrobe again. Package the old clothes up for future use. Blah.
But it is always going to be there, even if I manage to keep it off this time. When will it come back on. It took 21 years to put all that weight on, and living with it for the last ten has been pure hell. So I take it off in two years and hope that I can change the way I was??? Change my behavior of the last 20 years? Can that even really happen?
When I was younger and not as heavy I used to say to myself when I am old and gray I am going to eat whatever I want whenever I want and I won't care how fat I get. I didn't wait until I was an old and gray to do that. But I am not sure that I enjoyed the food as much as I thought I would. Now I think about a time when I don't have to be losing weight, and I know that is a dangerous road to walk. As long as you are "actively" dieting you are always careful about what you eat. But when you are done losing weight this is where it always goes wrong for people. This is where they don't know what to do. For those who have had to diet all their lives they never have had to figure out the "right" way to maintain. It is always about the losing, so if you are not losing then you are not doing it right.
I have started to come up with rules already for this maintenance. Ice cream is out indefinitely, cakes, cookies desserts are okay in restaurants but not in the home. Crackers and chips are not allowed in the house.
I found that crackers and chips were the items that I sank into when I was doing the "goodbye to food" phase of the return to optifast. I just couldn't get enough of the chips, so I know that I am going to have trouble controlling those foods, but for most everything else I can handle at least in the beginning.
And that is were we beginning - in the beginning. In thirty weeks time it will be a totally new beginning for me. A time when I am done trying and worrying about losing weight and just worry about maintaining the weight. How I do that will - I don't know - but I will somehow and maybe I will write a book about how to lose a bunch of weight and keep it off.
Just have to watch out for that creep.
But it is always going to be there, even if I manage to keep it off this time. When will it come back on. It took 21 years to put all that weight on, and living with it for the last ten has been pure hell. So I take it off in two years and hope that I can change the way I was??? Change my behavior of the last 20 years? Can that even really happen?
When I was younger and not as heavy I used to say to myself when I am old and gray I am going to eat whatever I want whenever I want and I won't care how fat I get. I didn't wait until I was an old and gray to do that. But I am not sure that I enjoyed the food as much as I thought I would. Now I think about a time when I don't have to be losing weight, and I know that is a dangerous road to walk. As long as you are "actively" dieting you are always careful about what you eat. But when you are done losing weight this is where it always goes wrong for people. This is where they don't know what to do. For those who have had to diet all their lives they never have had to figure out the "right" way to maintain. It is always about the losing, so if you are not losing then you are not doing it right.
I have started to come up with rules already for this maintenance. Ice cream is out indefinitely, cakes, cookies desserts are okay in restaurants but not in the home. Crackers and chips are not allowed in the house.
I found that crackers and chips were the items that I sank into when I was doing the "goodbye to food" phase of the return to optifast. I just couldn't get enough of the chips, so I know that I am going to have trouble controlling those foods, but for most everything else I can handle at least in the beginning.
And that is were we beginning - in the beginning. In thirty weeks time it will be a totally new beginning for me. A time when I am done trying and worrying about losing weight and just worry about maintaining the weight. How I do that will - I don't know - but I will somehow and maybe I will write a book about how to lose a bunch of weight and keep it off.
Just have to watch out for that creep.
My pen is poised.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to the book.
ReplyDeleteI also know first hand how tough it is to lose the weight AND to keep it off is every bit as hard. You've busted your hump with this program & you look great, and I hope you feel as good as you look (since you look GREAT!!!).
Crackers are easy to eat - particularly with cheese spread & maybe a glass of bourbon (TSH choice not T3 - T3 would prefer a Mojito or a Margarita or a Tom Collins)
Twila said 'her pen is poised" - did she make a spelling error & mean "pin"????? Twila is one great writer AND editor, and she's poised too! Wow!