Day 580 - I don't have my calendar how many days left?

So I spend half my days looking at the calendar hoping the time will go by faster.  When will I be done?  How many more months is it until I can eat again.  Why is it so hard this time.

But on the plus side, I have thirty-five pounds to go.  That seems so much more manageable then even fifty-five.

There are many things that I can now do.  If I forget my PJ's, I  can go to walmart or kmart and buy some that will fit.  I can fit in a chair, I can order any tickets to any show and fit in the seats, I don't need to worry about airplanes.  I can take helicopter rides, I don't have to worry that they say I can't go because I am too heavy.  I can go on roller coasters, and other amusement rides, and I probably could ride a horse if I wanted to and wouldn't have to worry about breaking its back.

I look in the mirror and I see what I expect to see now.  I don't turn my eyes away, or want to scream at the mirror telling me it is lying.  I don't have to worry about pictures, because the truth is the truth, and I can accept that I am overweight now, but not as overweight as I used to be.

I can walk anywhere.  I don't have to worry about where I park because I can walk.  Yes - amazing!  I don't worry about hills, or heat, I can walk with ease.  I don't worry about having a heart attack walking up a hill, or worry about my shoe lace coming untied, I can bend down and tie it.  I don't have to worry about falling down, because I can pick myself back up.

I don't worry that I look fat in a swim suit.  I don't care if I look fat in a swim suit.  I am swimming.  Two years ago, I wouldn't go out without a long sleeved shirt and long pants, no matter how hot it was.  Now I can go out it short sleeves, and if they don't like my flabby arms they can stick it.

I don't worry that some young punk is going to come up to me and call me a fat slob.  I don't worry that the waiters or waitress look at me and wonder if I will fit in a booth.  I don't worry about people who love me feel they have to be careful what they say about my weight.

I don't worry that I will lose a job because I am too fat.  I don't worry that people think I am stupid because I am so fat.  I don't worry that I will die in my sleep because I am too fat.

So why would I want to gain it all back?  I worry about that.  I worry that I will get complacent and all I think about right now is food.  So what will stop me?  Well I like being so worry free.  I think that is a good enough reason.  But still I want Indian food.  In fact that is the first thing I am going to have when I am done with this phase of it.  Yes siree Indian food it is.